A Wife's Testimony

March 25th 2017 was the day my husband and I became one. My heart still fills up with  joy when I think about it. We just made it to our 1 year anniversary not too long ago and I must say that when God is the foundation of your marriage, everything always works out for His glory and for our good. Of course I'm not saying we are perfect but I praise God that the Lord continues to keep us in His word and in His love. I'm grateful that we trust God even when there are times where it seems as though people are against my husband and I. We remember to show the love of Christ and keep moving forward. I can honestly say that in the beginning, it wasn't always so simple and easy to show the love of Christ. This is a raw yet fragile testimony of what I have experienced and am experiencing as a wife in ministry.

When I first got married & started to become more serious with my walk with God, I had an awful habit of taking in a lot of what people said about me, unaware of how critical that was going to be for not only my mind, but for my spiritual walk as well. Growing up, I was quiet until I got used to people then I would open up. There was a point in my life where I thought I had overcame it just by getting over it, but once my husband and I found a home and church to go to regularly, it seemed to creep back up on me. People called me shy, young, timid and so much more and my mistake back then was taking all of those words to heart. Please take note that while you are reading this, know that there is no one to whom I blame. This is to help you know that getting delivered from people's opinions & words is freeing & empowering. Now, like I was saying, I took their words to heart and I began to carry everyone's opinions of me like a coat. I draped on shyness, fear, and being bottle up. I then started to live in my husband's shadow as if I was personally placed there by certain people I met. I had let my mind drift into the places people's words were shaping me to be.

During this point in my life, my husband didn't understand why I was letting people's mouths shut me down because he was used to me always being cheerful and vibrant. I was literally becoming almost every negative word that someone had spoken over me. I became the shy young girl who doesn't know what she's doing or how to take care of a whole man. Yes, people have said this and numerous of other things and looking back on it, it's not hard to believe people would speak over others like that. I was in a rut and for awhile, I fought in my mind a lot about people taking favoritism to my husband over me. Not saying that our marriage is a competition, but back then, it felt like people tried to make it seem that way. (Watch my words to grasp this testimony fully please. I'm saying "felt/feel" a lot and we all know that feelings and emotions do what? Lead you astray!)  Now then, when it came down to being around people, it seemed as though people would build & talk it up with my husband so much and then when it came down to me, I felt pushed to the side and the only conversation I would have would be about my age, it was as if I was only a walking number to other women. Now, yes, I know that we as women all have experiences in life and we strive to help the next woman out, but most of the time, with the encounters I have had, I would be put down because of where I am, who I am, and how old I am. Now I'm not gonna lie, there were days where petty thoughts and comebacks rolled around in my mind because see back then, I used to be quick at the mouth. I either always had to have the last word or I had to make sure my words cut you deep enough so that you knew I wasn't the one to be messed with. ( I was the "from being bullied to being the bully" kid, but that's for another time) Praise God for deliverance. When petty responses would try to roll off my tongue or juggle around in my mind, I had to snap out of it and just show the love of Christ. Now, mind you, in the beginning, I did allow people to walk all over me, especially the ones who tried to push me to the side just to try and connect with my husband. Some people genuinely connected to both my husband and I, it was like we gained more family members and I'm so grateful for them all the time. Alas, there were numerous of people who only wanted to connect to my husband because of the anointing on his life. This is not meant to pump my head or my husband's head up, I just know that God placed an anointing on his life. I mean this in the most humblest way possible. It's the same way how I know God has placed powerful a anointing others. See when God is truly moving through people, there's no denying it unless your eyes are clouded by flesh infected glasses!

The people who had wrong motives and intentions tried to hang around my husband for either a word, a favor, a blessing, and or for us to break our backs and drain ourselves in order to help them. I must say that we already push hard for God and the spiritual warfare is no joke when your married and in ministry. Again, I can admit my faults, I wasn't using my battle tactics, I wasn't clothing myself in the armor of God nor was I pleading the blood over my mind. I would literally just sit and watch how people would try to befriend my husband while dragging me through the mud all at the same time. And yes, there were days where I allowed my flesh to be in control and I would have breakdowns or burst out in fits. I wasn't fighting, I didn't see the point and I was on the brink of giving up. Still to this day, I witness that it TRIES to happen again. People believe they're slick and can get over on me but the Holy Ghost reveals all and vengeance doesn't belong to me nor does it interests me. When you go through the RIGHT way of being persecuted and rejected, the Lord sees that. Also, I said "TRIES" because now, things are different, NOW, I am delivered from people and their opinions! I am free of people's words over my life. I have a heart for the people, and as crazy as it may sound, I had to force myself to see when people were doing wrong by me. This was only because I see the good in people.

As I've mentioned before, there were and still are times where I appear to be a number. I remember one time, I wasn't even asked my name, I was asked how old I was, called a baby, and that was literally the end of the conversation. I see that some people are only focused on certain things in a person's life. Some people will ask what you do for a living and how old you are in order to figure out the level of respect they should give you. Sad but true. I've had some people (with the WRONG intentions) tell me that I've got a lot to learn in the spirit and there were times where I just wanted to say "well the Lord had me doing xyz" but I quickly had to learn that...that would be taking God's glory away. See, when you are doing right by the Lord, you don't have to justify or explain yourself. I know that I am not a walking number and yes, at the same time, I know I still have things to learn, I'll still have things to learn when I'm 50. It just sucks when people tell me that when I already see that they are trying to one up on me. I wonder what triggers them to believe they know everything. FLESH. I must say though, I am so grateful for the men and women older than me who have actually taught me new things for the good of God. It's just the people who try to seem like they're better than me. One thing that should be made clear is, nobody is better than anyone else. We are nothing and God is everything. Some women have said some crazy things to me, I just praise God I'm delivered  because see, NOW, I can pray for them with REAL LOVE and not FORCED LOVE. Doesn't mean I have to be best friends with any and everyone but it does mean that I value the love of Christ and I want to share it, it's our duty to do so as children of God. I've also come to learn that we cannot be selective in who we forgive. From being called shy, timid, to just being a number, and having people walk all over me, God snapped me out of it ALL! I have finally realized and received who I am in Him. 

Strongholds are broken, I've been made free, I am forgiven, fear had to leave!

I became bold in Christ, I finally started to do what the Holy Ghost was leading me to do, whether I was tired or not, whether I understood or not. I'm not shy or timid and I certainly don't allow people to walk all over me. No longer to I let the negative words of others clothe, I know that God's LIVING word clothes me. I'm not living my life as a number anymore. Now when my age is brought up in a conversation, people are still shocked but I experience more compliments and real conversations instead of insults and fake conversations. My focus isn't on the compliments though, I've just noticed a shift for the better since I've started to carry myself with the authority God has given me. It's not always easy being a wife in ministry. I know that some people simply won't like me because of who I am, who I'm with, and the position I am in. And I can FINALLY say that I'm okay with that! I can say this because as long as I'm being pleasing to God, I could care less about who doesn't like me and who wants my place. Even when the enemy tries to push non existent buttons, I make sure to always repent if even the tiniest though of flesh flashes through my mind. (Yes, the Lord holds us accountable for our thoughts!)  When I finally began to surrender my mind to God, He moved all the toxic people out of my life and He equipped me with battle tactics to deal with people I encounter. He began to grow my confidence in Him, all because I opened up my heart to receive what He was been wanting to do all along. Yes, we can get in the way of our own blessings. Now that I am free, my mood is lighter, my days are brighter and I fight harder when the enemy tries to send attacks. I'm thankful that I can remain humble while knowing who I am in Christ and knowing the promises God made to me. Old things try to pop it's head up every once in awhile and people still try to get over on me but when that happens, I let the Holy Ghost take control and the situation is handled and I don't bring heavy weights into my home. Praise God! Know this, you are not a number, a status, or a doormat. You are all that God has called you to be. Sometimes the enemy desires for us to have and identity crisis, if you see yourself in that situation, I urge you to pray MORE! Even if it's only for 2 minutes, God will lead you to where you need to be in His word!

If you are one of the many women who have been discriminated against because of your age and or life circumstance, don't receive negative words that are spoken over you. Seek God's face, seek deliverance if you have some things going on, BIND YOUR MIND TO THE WORD OF GOD! Start working the word until it starts to work you. If He did it for me, I KNOW HE CAN DO IT FOR YOU! I appreciate and love you all! Thank you for allowing me to share my testimony with you all.

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged:)