Maintaining Your Godly Marriage

Recognizing the importance of teamwork!

Good evening Kingdom Sisters & Brothers, I pray that you all have had a fresh start today and even if this day didn't go as well as you would've liked it to, you still were able to wake up this morning. Now then, for my wives in Christ, you already know where this is about to go and I hope that while you read into this, you will begin to strive for better within your marriage. With godly marriages, we already know that it isn't always just a walk in the park no matter how well others may make it up to be. It takes hard work and dedication on both ends, that's right ladies, to make this last in a HEALTHY way, you have to be willing to stand in togetherness and work on your teamwork skills. Anyone can make a marriage last time wise and when one of the spouses finally speak out, you realize that they only stayed because it was either comfortable, they were with a not so great spouse, or they were afraid of starting over. Well dear wives in Christ, this will NOT be your case! Your marriage will last because both you and your husband genuinely love each other and you both have a solid foundation that is the Lord Jesus Christ. With that foundation comes with walking out your marriage in trust, honesty, communication, comprehension, healing, healthy dialogue, and so much more. You see dear wives in Christ, you have to be willing to release the weight of the entire household. You are not doing this all by yourself. Now of course someone could argue and pull in the fact that some mothers feel as though they only take care of the house and their children within their marriage.

 DISCLAIMER BEFORE WE CONTINUE: YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOUR MARRIAGE AND SPOUSE IN IT'S ENTIRETY. EVERY MARRIAGE AS WELL AS PARENTING IS DIFFERENT. WHAT WORKS FOR YOU AND YOUR HOUSEHOLD MAY NOT WORK FOR THE NEXT HOUSEHOLD BUT ABOVE ALL ELSE, IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT GOD THEN YOU HAVE TO BE SERIOUS ABOUT CARRYING OUT YOUR MARRIAGE IN THE WAY THAT GOD DESIGNED IT ACCORDING TO HIS WORD.

Now then, with this being said and even if you may feel as though you only pull the weight when it comes to the children and or household things, ask yourselves if you were vocal in a calm way with your husband WITHOUT a bitter or petty undertone. Examine whether you paid attention in the beginning of how your husband operates regarding these things. Because you see, what if your husband does clean but every time he does so, it's not in an organized way that you would prefer or something is always missing. Maybe your husband does take care of the kids but it's not in the typical play by the rules way and it's just an all out free for all and tidy up later. We all have to realize that when we see our husbands at least trying to help out when they can, we shouldn't brush their efforts off just because it's not exactly how we would want it. With this being said, back to you feeling as if the weight of the household is on you, SHAKE IT OFF SIS! Whether or not you have a lot of children, just one or none at all, the entire household being on your shoulders isn't healthy for you or your husband. Why? Well because if you feel as though you're the only one who can get it all together and done every single day, you may fall into being drained or even stressed this then explains those explosive moments you may have with your husband and it always comes out in the worst of ways especially when you realize that your husband really didn't do anything in that particular moment. So wives in Christ, BE VOCAL, BE OPEN, AND BE HONEST about the times where you feel overwhelmed. Trust me, you have to do this more often! We love our husbands but they can't read our minds, they may notice that you are tired but sometimes it can go deeper than that, if you want this marriage to last in a HEALTHY way, you have to be willing to be vulnerable and this won't have a negative impact on that wife & mother strength. If anything, it heightens it because it takes a brave person to be vulnerable especially with their spouse.

Breaking the TOXIC argumentative side of you..

Now before you all even jump on me with it being all about the wives, you should already know that I can only give you majority of what wives go through because I am a wife. I am a woman, we have already addressed that neither the husband nor wife will ever be able to understand being in one another shoes regardless of who works and does certain things because God designed both the man and woman's brain a certain way. Just a little reminder to keep in mind before you fall into thinking that everything is always your fault because that's not the truth. Now then, not every woman has a toxic argumentative side to them but for those of you who do, it's time to release that. What does this all even mean? Well dear wives in Christ, are you the woman who instantly pops off on your husband the second something doesn't go your way? Are you quick to point the finger and drown the household in your bitter monologues of how much you do around the house? Are you quick to bring up old situations that you kept stored away as ammo just for the sake of "winning" an argument? There are many more toxic examples but you get it by now and whether you admit it or not, these traits are hurting yourself more than you realize. As we all know, each husband is different and you know yours well and you are around them more than anyone else so you notice when they change, when they grow, and what their weak points are and what buttons they have. It may be tough but you're going to have to take this in with your big girl pants on. DON'T BRING UP PAST MISTAKES FOR THE SAKE OF WINNING AN ARGUMENT OR MAKING A POINT! I don't know about you but I can admit to having had a bad habit of doing this and there were times where it was the other way around as well. Guess what it resulted in? More hurt than whatever the previous problem was to begin with. When arguments happen, it's up to you both to realize why you're arguing and how can you overcome it TOGETHER! Every married couple can testify to having full on arguments over something that they can't even remember the next day or something that was a simple miscommunication. Of course if it's a more serious one then that's another story which usually and almost always involves forgiveness and recognizing that the communication could get better. Now then when trying to break the toxic part out from you, try to approach the situation calmly and before you even tell me or ask "well what if he just blows it out of proportion or isn't trying to hear me" look at yourself and see if you went to God about it. DON'T USE THIS AS A CRUTCH THOUGH! It is very important to go to God about everything, you just have to make sure that you aren't being petty or bitter about it. When you finally cool down from the situation, forgive your husband, even if you don't physically tell him in the moment, forgive him, then go to God about it. When it comes to leaving the toxic traits to the side, ask God to reveal them to you and to remove them from you. Ask Him to reveal WHY they are even within you in the first place. Most of the time, we only respond to our husbands in a certain way because of some unresolved issues of our own. Yes, this can go both ways. What do I mean by unresolved issues? Well our adult responses go hand in hand with unhealed childhood wounds. If we felt as though we were never heard as children, our flesh uses arguments as our chance to be heard and to be big and bad. Am I saying that you should just be small and weak, not at all but you can display strength without taking your unhealed issues out on your spouse. Even if you don't like what gets revealed to you, have a moment to choose whether you want your marriage to be healthy and thrive or not, if so then you're going to have to allow God to heal you of past hurts so that they won't interrupt what God has in store for your marriage. Don't tear your house about by your own hands...it's foolish. That's EXACTLY what the BIBLE says:

"A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1

Be intentional in your personal growth.

When it comes to maintaining your godly marriage, your personal growth in God is extremely important. With it concerning your household, it's important because you can't ride off of the faith of your husband alone. Of course what is at the head flows down to the tail, it's just that when it's all over, said, and done, you won't be able to tell God that just because your husband was a real man of God who heard the Holy Ghost and had faith that that automatically guarantees you a free ticket into heaven. God has to know YOU! Growing in Him isn't based on your husband and children, it's based on you! So take a moment to examine yourself for a moment, how often are you praying in the spirit throughout your day? When was the last time you fasted for real? Have you laid before the Lord on your face recently? Are you seeking the Holy Ghost in what you should do and where to go or are you just winging it and putting on a front for the sake of looking the part of a "Godly Wife?" Honestly if you are just trying to look the part, it's not too late to shift out of that mindset and just BE the part! BE A TRUE SERVANT OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST. Don't fall into using your day to day life as excuses of why you haven't fasted or prayed. It is extremely possible to do what is necessary of you as a true follower of Jesus. Don't worry you are not alone in this, yall already know I'm right there along with you. We can't keep using our children, husbands, and even our jobs as excuses anymore. We should want God to know us, after all before we were somebody's mom or wife, we were His daughters first and we should hold on to that no matter what. So I encourage you to challenge yourself more in your relationship with God. If you've been constantly eating, make a decision to go on a fast to get closer to God. If you've been filled with a lot of fleshly reactions, seek God's face in the late midnight hour or early morning on your face, totally surrendering to Him and receive what He has to reveal to you about yourself. No matter what, try your best to READ THE WORD OF GOD! You need to know more about the goodness of God! Some of you may even begin to realize that you CAN be used to SEE certain things in the spirit but to get there you have to work on your relationship with God. You don't want it to be over and God tells you that He doesn't even know you.. that's something to keep in mind the next time you're just going through the motions of your day:

"Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then I will profess unto them, I NEVER KNEW YOU: depart from me ye that work iniquity!" Matthew 7:22-23

Iniquity: immoral or grossly unfair behavior

Reminding yourself of why you said "I Do" to them..

Another way to maintain your marriage so that it will last in a healthy way, is to remind yourself of the goodness in your husband. Wives, be real with yourselves, we know that it is sometimes TOO easy to list and think about all of the things we think are flaws within our husbands. Now of course we all know that none of us are perfect but take a step back and examine your marriage so far. Is he really that bad? Sure he snores, maybe he games a little too much for your liking, he leaves a mess when he cooks, or the kids might like him over you sometimes but along with this among other little things, because that is exactly what they are, you have a good man on your hands. There are so many women who actually have bad and cruel men in their lives, there are women out there who can't even hold a conversation with a certain man because he was turned off by your past or sexual history. Hey, it happens even if they have a disturbing or crazy sexual history, some women can't even find someone who would accept that. But look at your husband, appreciate him, the same way he was able to sit through and hear what you've been through and what you've done, you were able to do it for them. Don't even get me started on if you had a child while you met him. Do you know how many women find out that the men in their lives did something to their children when it was too late? But you now have someone who wouldn't even hurt a fly. Of course you and your husband will bump heads sometimes but honestly, you know better than anyone the kind of man you married and he isn't a bad one. Especially if he was a real man of God both before and after you married him. For any of my single ladies reading this, men will try to act the part because of your faith, which is why you should stay in the Holy Ghost, seek good counsel, and WAIT ON GOD! I'm giving you homework for the rest of this week, write these down if you'd like:

• Examine your mindset before approaching a certain topic
• Recognize and ask God to remove any bitter undertones during communication
• Be open, vocal, and honest about feeling overwhelmed
• Start praying EVERY SINGLE DAY even if it's under your breath for a few minutes
• Cool down and practice forgiveness wholeheartedly
• Examine your reactions and write down why you acted that way
• Practice teamwork no matter how big or small of the task
• Tell your husband you love them AND why you love them (they need reminders of this just as much as we do)

I hope that this has encouraged you to be intentional in maintaining your marriage so that it'll last in a healthy way, you both can do this when you hold onto God together! Walk in your oneness, cover each other in prayer and move forward together in Jesus Christ name!

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged