Identifying & Overcoming Pride Within Your Marriage

Pride? Within me? IMPOSSIBLE....right?

Hello Kingdom Sisters & Brothers..lets talk about pride within our marriages..

Being right. It can often times BREAK the husband and wife apart emotionally and mentally depending on who is on the receiving side of desiring to be right. Please, before we go any further, this will neither be a "wives are always wrong" or "husbands don't have to shift" kind of post. If you aren't ready to truly identify that hidden chip within your marriage that tries to make itself comfy in your flesh then I guess marital growth isn't for you. You're only selling yourself short if that's the case. Now then, being transparent, pride within marriage can be one of my shortcomings more than my flesh would like to admit but God. It wasn't until a little while ago (to be more specific, A DAY AGO) that I finally decided to approach it in a way that would actually heal, deal, and grow from this oppose to not being open enough to see it in myself. I don't care how long you've been married, pride, along with many other TRESPASSING traits can AND will taint how you operate within your marriage and how you react and treat your spouse. In my case, I didn't want to believe that pride within myself was an issue, I didn't WANT to see that within myself. It was like having a "self talk" moment going a little something like this: Me? Prideful? Impossible...right? BUT when I TRULY decided to examine how pride has had it's grip on me for the last few days, I saw something in myself that was almost unrecognizable. It was like when you look in the mirror and the mirror cracks and you're offended because the mirror is pretty much representing that you weren't as beautiful as you thought you were. Sounds extremely corny but it's the best example I can think of. Instead of doing the normal pattern of denying this specific flaw that was clearly far too comfortable within my flesh, I decided to start going toe to toe with pride. How? By admitting what was clearly being shown over and over again. Okay, pride is present within me and only shows it's head during small misunderstandings or the enemy tries to shift my views on marriage, and by allowing the pride to ride my flesh, it's an equation for disaster. As I've stated earlier, being "right" may not be a big deal to others but to some (ahem) ME, it almost became an obsession to constantly worry about who's right ON TOP of going tick for tack every chance I got. Know that I have no problem admitting my faults here because for you dear readers, I want you to be in a better place than I was in. I want more wives to grow and with me to grow right alongside with them. Now then, with that obsession, instead of communicating, I made remarks, puffed out chest moments and down right "that's not fair" sessions. Was it really not fair or did I just overlook how and WHAT I projected onto my husband during the heat of the moment. Now for my Kingdom Married Brothers, we all know that both you and your wife mess up, NONE of us are perfect. Now, it's just that as wives, because we already feel as though we do a lot, we have a tendency of keeping LITTLE MOMENTS bottled up inside of us. We allow certain pains from FOREVER ago to snap out at very random moments. It usually exposes whether we truly healed from whatever pain that was or not. It was during this time where I was finally beginning to realize that pride had indeed made itself right at home within my flesh and was trying to leave a toxic trail over my marriage.

The signs were ALWAYS there, YOU just IGNORED them...

Now if what I have stated before sounded familiar to you within your own marriage, whether you admit it today or not, don't worry, God gives us chances to repent and try again. We all know that once we know better, we do better, unfortunately, many people both husbands and wives, would rather not see themselves in this light and usually they may be the ones struggling with this the most. Please note that as we continue, as always, I can only mainly give you the perspective of a wife, only because neither the husband nor wife are able to fully understand how it is to be in each other's shoes. Especially godly marriages and you should know well enough by now that it's far more deeper than who works and who doesn't or who cooks all the time and runs errands. Honestly those PARTS are very small components of godly marriages but that's for another day. Now then, if any of what was talked about before sounds familiar then I congratulate you because YOU took the time to identify the fact that pride is very much present within yourself and marriage. This means that now that you've identified the problem, you're one step closer to finding the solution. Now brace yourselves for what I am about to ask you because this is a very critical and sensitive topic. Did you receive what your husband was giving you when you had the chance? Someone probably let that go by swiftly so we'll break this down. In godly marriages, a lot of things within them are designed according to how God designed them to be. The evidence of this? His TRUE and LIVING Word. One of the many ways godly husbands SHOULD be operating in ACTIVELY should be seeing ahead for the family. Now, for anyone who is not yet married, this doesn't mean that you won't be able to see things in the spirit. If what was just stated about husbands being able to see ahead for the family makes you puff your chest out, maybe there's more within you than just pride. Lets be honest here, we can't ask God to send us REAL and TRUE Holy Spirit lead men and then not like how the real ones operate. YOU can't help what the HOLY SPIRIT shows your husband. Husbands can OFTEN (if he's doing what he needs to do to be in position) see ahead of something concerning his wife and children. I recall not just one but MULTIPLE times my husband saw pride trying to creep itself in, and with me denying and refusing to see that within myself. It just kept on trespassing within me, making itself right at home and decorating my flesh with resentment, frustration, and snapping moments without memory of what the problem even was to begin with. Now in more ways than one, our husbands do indeed see ahead of us, do you really think that God is going to send you someone that can't lead because he can't be properly lead by God? Now if you ended up with someone like that, then maybe that shows some bad habits that need to be broken or worst case scenario, you put yourselves together instead of letting God do it. A shift is very much possible and can happen but in all honesty, if it's tough to even combat the enemy as one in godly marriages, just imagine how hard and nerve wracking it is for those who just get married just for the sake of not wanting to be alone. Identity issues, issues with the Word of God, strange behavior that came out of nowhere and much more. Of course this can happen in godly marriages but 9/10 BOTH the husband and wife can identify when it's their flesh and when it's truly from the enemy because lets be honest, we give the enemy too much credit and put the blame on God. Nope, your flesh got in the way of what you needed to gain in order to grow and you got mad, very simple. Also the husband and wife who really walk this thing out are more willing to expose their issues themselves thus making the road to freedom easier through deliverance and identifying the ROOT of the issues.

So, if you desire marriage one day, PLEASE WAIT ON GOD AND SEEK GOOD COUNSEL WHEN PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE!

Kingdom married couples who WALK THIS THING OUT HOW GOD DESIGNED IT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS know what I'm talking about. Now then, when the Holy Spirit reveals something to your husband about you, don't be quick to deny it because it's getting revealed for a reason. Now of course there can be moments where your husband might just say something to be saying something but that depends on the type of husband you have. It also depends on whether or not he has truly been staying in position so that the Holy Spirit can show him things in the first place. How do they stay in position? The same way we should. By reading the Word of God, praying and living in the spirit, seeking good counsel, and FASTING, FASTING, FASTING. Now ladies, one wife to another, we beg God for Him to show us signs so when they appear by our husbands being shown something, we can't push it away because of where it's coming from. Be honest with yourselves TODAY! During heated moments, the LAST thing you want to hear is that the Holy Spirit revealed an issue to your husband within you. If you aren't guarded enough, you could take that in as another jab to "win" an argument but in truth, the Holy Spirit was revealing what needed to be revealed. Now of course we all have moments of being wrong but it's highly unlikely the Holy Spirit would just show things just because. The signs were always there, we as wives and husbands just choose to ignore them sometimes...

Breaking the "just swallow your pride" narrative...

Honestly when I think about this saying, it no longer helps me. Think about it, when you swallow something, it digests and leaves you right? But when you digest something bad or rotten it take a minute to even go down, leaving a bad after taste. Once it finally reaches your stomach, you grow sick and wail in pain because your stomach is trying to force breaking down this rotten food. You may get nauseous, be stuck on the toilet and next thing you know, you can't even function right because the rotten food is making your body and you miserable. Think about pride as rotten food that could have you sick for days if you dare to swallow. Instead of swallowing it, reveal that the issue is present, be vocal with your spouse about it, go toe to toe with it  by finding and examining the root. Seek God's face in having Him remove it from you, not just for the sake of it to be over but so that you can grow and learn how to not let it back in from how it previously came. If you see it within yourself or spouse before they do, don't try to approach this in the heat of the moment if you're both hot heads who pop off easily. STOP & WAIT for both of you cool down, once you can approach the topic of discussion again in a calm and open manner, then you both will be able to examine that pride is very much present. Now if you have the wrong intentions and try to go about saying that it's all on your spouse when you know you weren't shown anything because of your anger, then that's when you need a wake up call to stop lying to yourself. Identifying and calling out your issues doesn't define you as a person, you can still be Holy and have rough days or certain things we need deliverance from. This is why, even more so in your marriage, why God and being grateful for Jesus Christ is critically important. If it wasn't for Him, we wouldn't be able to be where we are today. Don't swallow your pride, call yourself out for what it is and work towards overcoming both personally and with your spouse.

Ways to overcome and stay free from pride..

Before I draw to a close, here are some ways that you can overcome pride within your marriage:

1. Don't be afraid to ask for prayer from your husband: Ladies, I get it, when the world and everyone around us call us strong, we beat ourselves up and feel as if we're weak if we have to ask for our husbands to pray for us. This isn't the case, that's your husband for a reason and when you both come together to pray against trespassing traits that have no business in your marriage, you're combating and overcoming them. You have a Holy Spirit lead husband, don't be so quick to think he won't pray with you about this. Your husband is not your enemy, he's your TEAMMATE!
2. Staying in the Word of God: BOTH the husband and wife should be seeking the Lord's face in His Word DILIGENTLY! Not only does this build both of your personal relationships with God but it also allows God's Holy Spirit to direct you in what you need to read exactly and when! Especially when trying to overcome pride together, the ways of how God can use His Word to reveal and show you things about yourself through the Holy Spirit are endless. So when you KNOW pride is an issue of yours, you shouldn't even be in a position where you aren't reading His Word. Two verses from Proverbs were very helpful for me yesterday: "Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2  & "Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall." Proverbs 16:18 Of course there are more but this is just to get you started.
3. Think about how this will affect your family: As wives, if we aren't careful, we could mess up the very things that God has blessed us with. This reminds me of another useful and helpful verse: "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1 Think about how you allow trespassing traits to enter your marriage will affect the little ones who are literally soaking in everything that you think they aren't paying attention to. Do you really desire your children to grow up being exactly like you with all of the worst traits and habits they took in from...YOU? The goal is for our children to be better than we ever were of course they will make their own mistakes but as we see in adult hood when you sit someone down and ask them why they operate a certain way, have certain fears, and walls built up, it's always linked to something they took in during childhood. Always. We know that the same way deliverance is available to us, it's available to them as well, we as parents have to make sure that we are displaying how real people of God operate. Even during tough moments, will you allow your child to see you throw a fit when you don't get your way? Will your child take in certain words and project their anger onto others for attention? Will they grow into gossipers and manipulators because they saw how you did one of your close "friends" when they left from visiting you? Certain behaviors are LEARNED! Think about that the next time you try to allow trespassing traits ride your flesh!
4. Be open to deliverance: Now sometimes, deliverance can just happen out the blue and sometimes you are fully aware of what you're doing in that moment, stop fighting against it and allow God to free you from the bondage pride had you cooped up in. Don't be afraid to go through this, say Yes Lord and allow God to have His way with you..
5. FAST, FAST, AND FAST SOME MORE: That's it, it's just that simple...

Now then, from here, it's all up to you to overcome it, come to terms with the fact the pride has made itself comfortable in your flesh and in your marriage, go toe to toe with it and be free from it. This is only possible if you decide to accept that this has made it's way into you, if not, it'll only get worse. You can improve and be free from this trespassing trait, don't get in the way of your own freedom..

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged