The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Growth

The Ugly 

Dear Kingdom Sisters & Brothers, this thing called "growth" has been painted up into something that it's simply not. You know what I'm talking about. It seems as though growth has been made up into this beautiful, flowery, perfumed pile of rainbows and sunshine just because you didn't respond how you used to or you avoided a certain conversation just for the sake of your sugar coated definition of peace.. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for achieving and maintaining TRUE growth and a stable peace of mind. It's just that we, as a people..well.. make it personal right now. With YOU as a person in this very moment, it's up to you to be bold enough to represent the good, the bad, and the ugly of growing in the Lord's presence. You see dear Kingdom Sisters & Brothers, the ugly process of growth is in itself the most beautiful. True beauty comes from within, it's seen by others through your actions before you gain clear vision to see it within yourself. It hurts at times and it can even feel as if we are beating ourselves up but in reality, the ugly stages of growth is just us getting our pride tossed to the side and deciding to finally view ourselves in how we truly are. What we see isn't always the easiest to process, whether what you see makes you cringe, or if it makes you want to look away and just sweep it under the rug and reach for that glittery fools gold of a mask that you're just itching to wear in front of everyone. Well Kingdom Sisters & Brothers, I simply cannot sit here and type out or talk about anything with you that I'm not living in my own space. I've been there, both wanting to turn my face from my own faults and I have worn the mask on numerous occasions and I must say, it's tiring and unhealthy. Now then, with that being said, I too am just now entering into examining and identifying "the ugly" part of my personal growth. It has been difficult and if anyone tells you that growing is super easy and laid back, take it from someone who's been laid back by nature for awhile. It's not that easy. That's the simple and yet alarming truth.


You can't throw on a face mask and write a to do list and think that 45 minutes to an hour is going to make you a better person, let alone a better servant in the Kingdom. No, it just doesn't work that way, when it comes to growing in the Lord's presence, there's no cheat code, get rich quick schemes, or shortcuts. There's just you and God and you have to make the decision to finally view yourself in the honest truth. I could sit here and list all my faults and someone could still come along and say that I missed a few or even come against every word that's being written in this moment and say that I believe I am superior. It sounds like a reach but that's how we as a people are. We want growth, success, love, money, homes, and materials in the easiest way possible, then as soon as we catch a scent of someone going against the "norm", we say "HOW DARE THEY?" "WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?" I can testify to being the person in both of the shoes in different points of my life, even as of recent, and honestly, it does you no good. If I can advise you to do anything..anything at all, tell the truth to yourself about yourself. Once you begin to tell the truth to yourself about yourself, those personal layers that only God can see right through will finally begin to fall away. It hurts because you begin to remember where you were the problem, or where you were the reason a certain blessing hasn't happened yet. You see, the more you reach for that glittery fools gold of a mask, the more you begin to lose sight of the reality of who you really are. We lie to ourselves all the time, and it gets us nowhere, so I am pleading with you to begin to be honest with yourself. You don't have to put your stuff on front street just for the sake of others seeing you "working towards your goals". You see, when you begin to change for real on the inside, people notice. Am I saying that we should dive into the ugly process of growth for the sake of someone seeing us do "something" like everyone else? No. You should want to dive into the "ugly" stage of growth because it's the most vulnerable and intimate you can get with yourself. So here you are, pondering on whether or not you're ready to face yourself and see the "ugly" stage of the authentic growth you’re chasing after. If you are sincere in this stage of growth, you'll come to realize that this "ugly" stage is actually the most beautiful parts of growing authentically...

The Bad...

"I could never do that to someone." "My heart is too big to treat people wrong." "After what I've been through, I can't talk about anyone." These 3 phrases are more common among people more than we think, even if it's slightly phrased differently. With myself, I would often catch myself using these lines from time to time and then my flesh would turn around quickly and do the very things that I said I wouldn't. I am not talking about past encounters either, I am talking about recently. Isn't that all of us in a sense. The very things we claim that we could never do, we end up doing them, if not, doing them 10 times worse. Astonishing to see that our own words and played out mindsets can become dangerous when we just allow our flesh to ride. The bad stages of growth.. it usually involves a lot, and I do mean A LOT of self denial. During these stages, we may even be wavering between growing authentically or reaching out for that old fools gold of a mask that is clearly fading and turning to an obvious rust color. Leaving the green marks of denial and victim mindsets and thoughts all over us. How do we end up? How long do we stay here? Most importantly.. is there even a way out? Of course, in my experience and from what I am currently going through with it right now, the way out of it is to be open. Be open to what God has to show you to yourself. Be open to how others view you. DO NOT READ THIS VAGUELY. What I mean by being open to how others view you is this: NOBODY EVER VIEWS THEMSELVES AS THE VILLAIN. I would only advise you to take in the way others view you by people that you know hold you accountable WITHOUT the undertones of bitterness, jealousy, or ill intentions.

There are always those who will PORTRAY to be someone who holds you accountable while in reality, they've just been waiting to go off and on about how horrible of a person you are. You see, when being open about how others view you, you can always tell if they're being genuine or not by the context of their words. Now yes, I know that anyone can create a beautiful or heartfelt speech because it's just that easy. (Which is why I only write when I am led to do so, if it were up to my flesh, I could and would write every single day and I've got the journals to prove it.) When paying attention to the context of one's words in deciding on whether or not they're holding accountable because they care or just wanting to talk you down, the tone of their words tells the truth. Now of course we have those who are just passionate talkers and others who are truly nonchalant by nature even though they truly do care. When someone is being open with you on how they view you, there are always little specks of solutions indicating the truth of their words. There is also an sincere nature in their words. When people tell the truth or even when you tell the truth, ever notice how they didn't feel the need to revisit the conversation that was just had? Ever notice how you didn't feel the need to fight for "your side" to be heard. The truth doesn't have anything to prove and the ones who hold you accountable don't take advantage of your openness as a bashing session. The bad stages of growth depend on whether or not you are ready to be open with yourself and others (who are genuine). During the "bad" stages of growth, you have to let go of self denial and be open with those who truly how you accountable out of love and not those who just use this as a chance to expose their own bitter undertones and resentment. You won't always hear what you want to hear but I rather have those around me who will be truthful and honest because they care for me instead of those who just tell me what they think I would like to hear for the sake of being close. If I am aiming for growth and honesty with myself in the Lord's presence then I need those who are striving for that as well. The "bad" stages of growth are painful and revealing but just like with muscles, it's sore in the beginning but the more you work them out and stretch them out, the more you endure and begin to get used to your new strength.

The Good....

If you haven't realized it by now, the entirety of everything that I have written out all falls into the "good" of growth. You see, it's good for you to peel back those layers of uncertainty and to destroy that fools gold of a mask. It's good uproot the pride within yourself so that you can gain a new pair of eyes to see the areas that need tending too and little extra tending loving care. It's good to recognize those moments where you played out the victim narrative and to get rid of the bullied mindset. It's good to strive for genuine peace and not peace by the worlds definition which looks like easy tasks all day everyday. It's good to recognize when you're trying to sweep something under the rug and to just toss out the who rug in it's entirety. It's good to have those around you who can hold you accountable and won't take advantage of you being open. It's good to do the will of the Lord even if that means looking at the parts of yourself that is actually hindering you from moving forward in the things that God has planned for you. You see, in reality, all of this goodness can be turned into greatness if you allow God to move through the very areas that you're afraid to approach.

I was recently blessed and it was something that I had been waiting 2 years for. I had to sacrifice it when I had my son and even awhile afterwards. I had been given words about this blessing over and over again and there were days where tears were shed because I didn't know how everything was going to work out. I had days of frustration because I didn't get why God would keep saying something that I couldn't physically see. I worked to keep what God spoke alive, I sowed my last when I couldn't, I stayed happy for those who would get blessed even in the midst of waiting for God to fulfill His promise to me. I then began to just thank God in spite of and then it happened. The blessing came to pass from an uncommon place and I was given something that I wasn't even qualified for. The growth surely didn't stop there, I kept sowing, I had moments of being confused of how I could maintain it, then I remembered that God never lies. It was only released to me because I had the mindset to be a SERVANT of God above all else REGARDLESS of the position I was in. How did the growth not stop? Well, the very thing that was required of this blessing to stay alive was the very thing that I dreaded. Being out of my comfort zone with strangers. I still have my days but I know that in order to maintain the very things that you pray for, you still have to have the grateful mindset, praises in advance, and sowing just as much as you did BEFORE you received the blessing/blessings. I had to show God that I was trustworthy with what He had blessed me with and now I have to keep going and it's only by the grace of God that my mindset is continuing to grow. Just like you, I am still growing, I am still learning. I don't care how many posts you read from this blog, I am no where near perfect and I certainly have not "arrived". I'll keep learning and growing until the Lord calls me home. How will I know if I have "arrived"? If I make it into that perfect place called Heaven. I want to make it in and hear "Well Done." 

I sincerely hope that this has helped the very ones who needed it in the exact time they read this. If nobody has told you, you are capable of being better than who you used to be.

You've got miracles attached to you, achieve and maintain them!

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged