The Hidden Strength of A Wife

It's more than what you think...

Hello my Kingdom Sisters and if I have any brothers out there reading, I'm glad you could join in. Today is for my married sisters in Christ and for those who desire marriage one day. Now then, with only being a wife for only a short period of time, I must say that when it is done the Lord's way, marriage isn't always what you may think it is. Now my married sisters already know that being married to someone who truly knows their identity in God is no joke, especially when they are apart of a ministry that pushes them to grow in God even more. Being a godly wife has had it's ups and downs, and don't read this too vaguely, it's not for the reason that you think. You can have the best days and years with your spouse but what people don't know is that your strength is only viewed at a surface level by others sometimes. Now don't get me wrong, there may be a few who may receive insight or they just may care about you very much but you're hearing this directly from a wife who's husband walks in the authority and calling that God has placed on his life HEAVILY. Your strength may be mistaken as being distant, not too friendly, or maybe even weak. It's the truth, as a godly wife, it's seriously not what you think. I often see women who desire marriage ask God for real men of God who actually walk out God's Word and operate through the Holy Spirit. I see how people say they would act if God sent them a godly and devoted spouse. I must say, there is nothing wrong with this but then I see the same people turn around and complain about if someone changes then they instantly cut them off, that's a red flag. I've seen others give up on genuine friendships just because their call or text didn't get answered soon enough. I've seen some pretty major points that happens in a marriage that people claim that can't even deal with in a friendship yet they want a godly man. If this comes to a shock to you, good, many women who are actually wives don't really get the chance to voice out what it takes to truly be a helpmate. Here, you've known this to be a transparent and safe space. I know that the word "transparent" may sit kind of funny with people because truth be told, others may claim to be transparent but they just end up being bitter and hide behind that word just to vent off to you. What's wrong with venting? I am aware that we all do this at some point in time but you can easily pick up the pattern of someone trying to scare you away from whatever you all are talking about. If they're only trying to be transparent when you hit a monumental mark or move onto the next level then sometimes they just rather not have you walk in what they walked in or even try. The thing is, we all don't wear the same shoes!

Some people distance themselves from wives as soon as they meet...

Now then, when you are married to a real man of God it causes you to begin to build and maintain a certain kind of strength. Now I am not sure if people just rather steer clear of wives in general out of some kind of respect on their terms or for some cling on just to get closer to the husband to get a word but these things happen DAILY. How do we handle that?  Well when in the beginning of my marriage and supporting my husband in ministry, I never understood why everywhere we went, some people were just so ready to be in his face all the time. I never understood why he and everyone else around the both of us would be accepted except me. Now yes, I've had my tears, I've had my frustrations, and I've had my moments of asking God what was wrong with me. Thankfully I had people in my life who genuinely wanted to be around the both of us because they took the time to build those bonds individually. Now with others it would make me question if I was nice enough or what was wrong with me when people only wanted to connect with my husband and friends but not me. I had to realize that when you are married to a real man of God, people want that. That's as plain and truthful as I can make it for you. There are times where people may want to see how close they can get to being in your shoes. They may see genuine bonds that your husband has with others and may try to mimic it as best as they can. Some will just cling and hover around in hopes of getting a word out of them and sometimes a favor. Nevertheless, it's either always rare or only a small amount of people who try to get to know BOTH of you. As time goes by, you have to know that because of who you're married to, the care level that SOME people may have for you is either not as high as your husband or non existent. Then, you may begin to notice that people label you as stand offish, weird, and or distant. They failed to see the fault in their actions and plus it's easier for them to blame you because the goal for these particular people are always the husband. Now for those who desire marriage, you may be reading it in disbelief but marriage is just like parenthood. You don't get it in fullness until you have your own. When I had my son, it didn't matter how many times I had babysat before or grew up with multiple siblings because my son was a responsibility that I couldn't pass off until the next day. You may be a woman who has dated and seen it all but until you say "I Do" you truly don't see how much of a shift that will have to take place.

Not addressing assumptions is harder than you'll ever know

"Assumptions? Who hurt you?" I am well, I just have to be up front with how the hidden strength of a wife even becomes to be. Oh? You thought that I would do the normal and popular spill of what wives go through with working, taking care of kids, body changes and more so be in that kind of area? I'm sorry but no, I am not disregarding any of those things and yes I thank God for those who push their way through all of that and then some but this area has sometimes been used to give husbands bad wraps or to divide the husband and wife mentally when coming from bitterness or resentment. If there is a woman out here reading this who desires marriage, I rather share truths that is often tucked away for no one to see or even know that it exists. I rather share these things so that the next woman who gets married will handle these areas better than I ever did. Now when dealing with assumptions, as I have stated before, it is easier to label wives in the eyes of certain people. They may assume you aren't in God as much as your husband is (yes I know in some cases this is true but stay with me here) They may assume that you don't see in the spirit like that or even have a relationship with God. There may be assumptions that all you do is just work or stay at home and don't even try to build a relationship God even when you actually do all of these things and then some. You may hear certain things about you that completely go against who you are but how would people know if they distance themselves from you from the beginning? Now, depending on where you've been in life, you may want to justify and clear your name. In my honest experience, you may become flustered and frustrated but usually there is a time where God uses you and shows you certain things at the right time. Usually what people are shocked to see you doing, He has always known you've done it. Let the people find out on their own and if they never do, that's fine as well. As long as you know what you're doing behind closed doors and even when you're out and about, God is watching, always, so you have to handle it well. Besides, I must say that I do wonder why wives are pushed to the side by certain people, who else do they think  is supporting and lifting up and laboring with the husbands at hard times and hours. Who else is there when the husbands have vulnerable moments and times of trying to maintain being a good leader that pleases God. Who else picks up in the areas that they lack in. It's been on numerous occasions that this has happened and that's okay because that is the truth of what it is like to be married to a real man of God. Of course the same is being done for you, don't try to reach and think it's all about him behind closed doors. You know your teammate better than anyone who tries to know them. As a wife you know what it's like to see your husband with all of his walls down. You know what's like to see how tired and drained he may become after a time of what may look like running around like a chicken. When it was actually just him listening to the Holy Ghost. You know the attacks that hit that he can't go into detail about in front of others because it would discourage them. The moral of the story is, when you're a wife of a man who truly walks in what God would have him to do, you grow tough skin by being a true helpmate. 

Being a godly wife is not for the weary...

As stated before, many women beg God for a husband who is secure in who he is in God, especially if they're the kind of woman who is secure in who they are and WHERE they are in their faith. You may have seen labels on wives, but do you really think that God wouldn't give insight to His servant's helpmate who desires Him just as much as her husband does? When you become the wife of one who sees in the spirit and gains insight from the Holy Ghost, things indeed get released to you WHEN YOU ARE HANDLING YOUR POSITION WELL. Now if you aren't you may not be there just yet. Am I saying that you have to be up front teaching or giving out words and helping with deliverance all the time. No, not at all. Of course we all know that those examples are things that ALL believers in Christ do when they're called to and in the order to do them. People probably won't see you do these things and if they do then they do, it's only up to what God would have you to do because if you aren't careful, your flesh could drive you into something you aren't even stable enough to carry. Which leads me into this, being married to a godly man means sharing your time. Don't take this lightly. There has been days where all I wanted was at least a day without someone calling his phone or needing him for a meeting or even him having to go operate and be in position. It's been many times where I had to know that because of his role, we wouldn't be home at certain times or there would even be moments where the Holy Ghost would just have him up and operating at insane hours. This is the kind of sharing that isn't talked about. We see these people claiming to prepare others for a godly marriage but all of these areas are usually hidden because they're either not handling them well themselves or they don't want to scare away their number of seats. Yes, I said it. It's the truth and it's necessary to hear. Now when I say that being a godly wife is not for the weary, sharing isn't the only thing. Your prayers for and over your marriage and unity matters. You see, we know that the husbands were made the head of the household and it clearly states in the Bible that our flesh would want to desire that position. What? Learned something new? Here it is in black and white and keep in mind that this is actually God himself speaking to Eve for what she has done (ate the forbidden fruit and told Adam to do the same) and how it'll trickle on down to all women:

"Then he said to the woman, I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." Genesis 3:16

Yikes! Now then, your prayers over your marriage and unity and staying built up matters because the enemy would desire to cause division and strife between you and your husband. You see, with the husband being the head, as wives, we have to keep our flesh cut off because the enemy will try to go through us to take out the head.  If the head is taken out, the body can't function properly. If you've ever noticed that arguments pop up right before ministry goes forth or immediately after you and your husband have a moment of saying yes to the Lord don't take it lightly. Come on, you know it's not rocket science. You must guard and deny yourself daily. After all of this, this is how our hidden strength is built up. We endure on a whole different level. We have to maintain going through well, tending to our home, watch our reactions, accept that people may just write us off, share our time with our husbands, labor with and sometimes for our husbands, refrain from returning to who we used to be, refrain from wanting to control or resent their position, seek God even when we have our rough days, be transparent without adding bitterness, forgive others daily and much much more. This may seem like regular believer duties but when you're married it's so much more critical because it doesn't just effect you but all who are around you and look to you as an example without you even realizing it. I hope this has given you some insight in all that godly wives have to deal with and overcome gracefully and silently.  It's more than just taking someone's last name, it's about being a true helpmate even when it's hard. If you're a woman who desires marriage, know that it's great to ask God for a godly man, just be sure to ask God to mold you into a woman who will be able to maintain and handle a godly marriage well. Wait on God and this entire process will get better even when the tough times and rough patches hit, when you both desire God, it's easier to overcome it all as ONE.

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged