It Takes Two To Remain One!

What happens after you come together as One?

Good Evening Kingdom Sisters and Brothers, for those of you who are reading. Marriage. Some are intimidated by the very idea of it while others might be a bit too overly excited about the wedding and honeymoon instead of the long haul of it all. Don't get me wrong here dear reader, marriage can be beautiful when it's done with the right person that is God sent, it just doesn't excuse the fact that it is hard work. Majority of the hard work that is being poured into a Kingdom Built marriage is done behind the scenes a lot of the time. If you were to sit down with a married couple who are striving to follow through with it God's way, you would be surprised of how much work has to go into it all. With all of this being said we will be diving into how you can maintain your oneness with your spouse. Even if you are reading this and you aren't married but you desire marriage, I can only hope that the transparency of it all can give you a peek into why it's so important to wait on God. Now then, the big day has passed, the honeymoon was fun and exciting whether you went all out or just did something intimate. Time has flown by and maybe you have children by now and maybe you both are getting pulled into specific routines that may have all of your attention. A year or even years has gone by and even though you love your spouse dearly, you may feel as though your oneness isn't as strong as it once was. You might be finding yourself noticing that you and your spouse could really use some togetherness time. Now, don't take this in vaguely, of course if you are married then some may have the quick solution of getting down with the get down. Which, in some instances helps but there is so much more that needs to go into bringing your togetherness back into place. As believers in Christ, we already know that marriage God's way is much more different than what the world displays. It may be a rude wake up call to freshly married couples but when it's God ordained, smoothing out the rough edges TOGETHER will come sooner rather than later when you are BOTH willing to live it out.

Marriage exposes your true nature and intentions

Now in the beginning of marriage, it's common for most people to say that the first year is always the hardest, but when you go about it God's way, any part of it can be tough because of your personal relationship with God BEFORE you even said "I DO". Any part of it can be tough because when you are both serious about God in your own personal time, coming together is a whole new battlefield. Marriage to God is so precious and important, it's literally a covenant being made right in front of Him which is why the BOTH of you have to do your parts so that the health of your marriage will remain clean and purposeful. Marriage exposes every single thing about you even when you think there is a bit of wiggle room, it all ends up coming to the forefront and not in the way that you would think. The type of exposing that happens in marriage shows HEAVILY through how you treat your spouse verbally, emotionally, and through your actions. "What can that possibly expose about me?" Well honestly dear reader, it can expose a lot about you because marriage is designed for you to look at yourself. Through your words, it can expose traumas that you went through as a child that still haunt you from time to time. This is a major point to where you'll need deliverance to take place. Emotionally, you may be too guarded about certain topics because of how many times you may have been let down in past relationships by people who claimed to love you. Through your actions, it shows your upbringing, how you took care of yourself and others in the past shows strongly in your marriage. Now of course, anyone can get set free from any and all of this, you just have to be willing to examine yourself and to be upfront with your spouse. You should already know for the both of you that God will reveal it to your spouse and or even others around you depending on what it is. It's best to be open and continue to stay open. Now when it comes down to your intentions of being married and staying married, you actually expose yourself more than you would realize. Your priorities tell on you, your mannerisms towards your spouse behind closed doors tells on you and even your own thoughts tell on you and if you are a wife reading this, 10/10 it has already been revealed to your husband. You just have to truly want to be free and to remain free, even if you are looking at yourself and you're seeing a lot of areas that need improvement, it's all up to you whether or not you begin to make the necessary changes.

Submission: Intimidating or Empowering

Submission for wives in a marriage is a very touchy subject because the world has taken God's word and has twisted it into something that should be looked down upon. This clearly isn't the case, people believe that it's just waiting on your husband hand and foot when really it takes a crazy amount of strength to submit by God's word. Submission (when you are with who God has for you) is literally entrusting your husband to lead your household. It doesn't block out your voice or shut down your dreams, visions, and ideas. If anything when you are with who God has for you, your husband is the main one pushing you to go for your dreams. Your husband is the one seeing potential in you and wanting you to go forth. Now sadly, there are women who end up with men who abuse their role as a husband and they try to slap on their authority to justify horrible behavior and actions. On the flip side, there are also men who go through having a manipulative wife. To be sure that you don't end up in a situation like that, you have to have enough discernment to wait on God instead of going about something on your own timing and own way. Submission can be empowering in a marriage for a wife because you are entrusting your husband to take the lead as the word of God states. Am I saying that this is easy, half the time, not at all, but when you are with someone who is willing to grow as well, it gets easier. It also means that you are trusting God for who He sent for you (if you went about it His way and not your own) Again, this does not block out your voice and if you find yourself in that situation before marriage then you should really seek God in whether or not you are in the right position. Now then, even after marriage, submission can be tough to adjust to because there is a lot between the both of you that needs to get sorted through. Your husband has to make sure that he isn't being too harsh with you and is loving you like Christ loves the church and you, as a wife, has to submit and respect him. Even if you are reading this and looking at it sideways, this is exactly what the Bible says.

"For wives this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives as Christ loved the church." Ephesians 5:22-25

Now of course there is a lot more to this chapter and I strongly encourage you to read it in it's entirety when you have the chance to. We just cannot let the world shift our beliefs and to make something seem different than what it actually is. Before closing off on this topic of submission, the last and most important point is for those who desire marriage one day. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SUBMIT TO SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO! There is a reason why certain things are supposed to be reserved for marriage only. If you go about submitting in every single relationship you have, you'll grow tired and in some cases even bitter of the word because the previous men made that word horrible to you like a bad taste in your mouth. So when you finally do meet someone that you are suppose to marry, you'll struggle or turn your nose up at submission. Even with you being a devoted woman of God who is serious about her relationship with God both in front of people AND while NOBODY is around, if you give a man the ultimate wife treatment before marriage and it falls off, you are setting yourself up to look down on the very thing that was supposed to be helpful in your marriage whenever it happens. So, for those who desire marriage, don't ruin submission by diving into it because you think it'll keep someone around. When you wait on God and when the time comes, you'll transition into it and see the truth about submission through God's word and not the world's beliefs!

There is no "I" in TEAM!

For husbands and wives in Christ, sometimes we need to be reminded that we are on the same team. Marriage shouldn't be filled with tug-of-war moments and "I told you so moments", even though it DOES happen. When this happens and when you both move passed it, it's best not to bring it up anymore for petty ammo. (We've all been there before) Think about it this way, when you left that old relationship or friendship, there may have been moments when you might have tried to go back but after awhile you knew to stay away for good. In doing so, you were able to find something and someone new who wasn't toxic or draining. Why would you go back? Now of course, in the midst of arguments, it may be times where it's tough to keep a leveled head but this is where you put all of your growth to work! Trying to refrain from old reactions and switching up your responses can actually have a huge impact on both you and your spouse during a heated moment, whether they realize it in the midst of it or even afterwards. They'll realize that you are trying to approach things differently which will then make them see themselves in how they could've done better and vice versa because none of us get it right all the time. Remembering that your spouse is your teammate comes from showing intimacy, vulnerability and being on one accord. Know that being intimate with your spouse isn't just physical, it's emotional as well. Opening up about if something that bothered you and how it bothered you can help. Also being vocal about the small things like wanting to be held or just listened to for a moment (let's be honest, sometimes we want our spouses to read our minds but they just can't). Lastly but not least, being on one accord by tending to your own individual relationship with God. Now of course, there should be times where you both come together to pray for each other and to stand firmly on the word and promises of God together. Your personal prayers and fasting and praise and worship moments are extremely important to your marriage especially the times where they aren't known to your spouse. The moments where everyone may be asleep or you have time alone. It is all extremely important to your personal relationship with God because when it's all over and you come face to face with God one day, you'll have to answer for yourself.

Hold onto your "WHY".

As I draw to a close, it's best to keep yourself reminded of why you decided to marry your spouse. The success of your marriage is depended on how you started out. Now of course, you can shift it and make the necessary adjustments and examine yourself and go through deliverance when it's needed, you just have to want it. You have to want it for yourself because you know that it takes a lot to get free and to maintain that freedom. I've been through it alongside my husband and we still have our times as well. This is because in a marriage, both the husband and the wife are always changing and growing when they are both serious about their faith walk. So take the time to remember why you got married, take the time to remember why you are in love. Know that there is a huge difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. Above all else, make sure that you aren't putting your love for your spouse above your love for God. If you find yourself in that position, then work towards making a shift in your relationship with God! Even if you are reading this and you desire marriage one day, list your reasons of WHY you actually want to be a husband or wife one day. If your answers appear to be a bit too shallow, no worries, we all start out somewhere, evaluate your reasons and look beyond the surface of yourself to shift your reasons. I hope that this has been encouraging to married couples and for those who desire marriage one day. Know that marriages remain healthy when God is above all else!

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged