For The Single Woman

How can a wife speak on this?

Good day my Kingdom Sisters, now before we even dive into this, I already know what you're thinking, how could a married woman possibly speak on single women, well we weren't just born married. We all had to get there and if you are a woman who desires marriage, especially a Kingdom Built one, you should stick around. Even still, did you know that as you read this, you are in a better position than I ever was? How so? Well first things first, in the beginning, I wasn't in God like that, I wasn't as devoted and even when I began to learn and seek Him more, a lot of learning still had to take place and shifting had to happen. You are in a better place in your current singleness because you actually KNOW God. You know how important your relationship with the Father is, you know that we are in a time of grace and how our actions matter. You know when you need to discern and when to pray in the Holy Ghost. Now yes, even with knowing all of that, there's still more that we could all learn and yes, I am aware that there may be some women who read and don't know about Jesus, don't worry, we'll get to that. Now then, in your time of singleness there is a lot of ups and downs that come with it especially when you are devoted to God. After you went through what you went through at some point in time, you knew that enough was enough and that you needed to turn your life to Jesus, so that's exactly what you did. You began to be transformed, your way of living, speaking and acting changed, you might have a few hiccups here and there but you know that when you run to Jesus and pray, the hiccups cease. These all sound more like ups than downs, well we certainly know the downs and we need to attack them head on. Many people would rather tell you all of the dainty " How To Become A Good Wife" steps but I rather tell you how to achieve and keep your holiness when you're single and when you get married!

The approach of the counterfeits

Now ladies, we all have had a point in our lives where we have dreamed of the perfect man with a perfect wedding with a perfect house, building a perfect family and then what happens? Life, some of you might have thought that you found the one but he used you to his own advantage, some of you might have had unbearable experiences with men and your trust for them grew extremely small, some of you might have even started on building a family with a certain man and then he left you on your own to raise the baby that you both made. Some of you might be reading and you probably went as far as to getting married but because that certain man wasn't truly prepared, you found yourself divorced and maybe a bit bitter. Then there might be someone reading who truly thought that their former guy was Prince Charming, he checked off all the boxes on your perfect man list, he treated you with the best care, he gave you whatever you wanted, and then someone reaches out to you saying that you aren't his only woman. You find out that he was unfaithful and that he played you just to keep the benefits that you had to offer such as your home, your cooking, your car, the goodies, whatever you gave to him, he used it all up. With all of that taking place you knew you were done with trying to find the man of your dreams because it always seemed like you ended up with the short end of the stick. So fast forward to now, you gave your life to Christ, you're active in praying and fasting, you're trying your best with what you got, you're dressing different, talking different, and then all of a sudden, more vultures appear but wait, they don't look like vultures. They look like what a true man of God should look like but as soon as you fall for them, you realize how much of a monster they are behind closed doors. They begin to pull you farther and farther away from God and before you know it, your present begins to show major signs of your past. BUT GUESS WHAT? You snap out of it and run back to God and repent and get back to how you used to be, you're focused and yet certain men still try to flock towards you. You are probably like "why me", you see woman of God, when you come to Jesus with true repentance, and switch up how you used to be, you gain a certain glow to you. You become desirable by having a certain standard about yourself, you tap into your anointing and we all know that the anointing is attractive to weak eyes. It's not about what you have on, it's literally about how much of a difference your inside is making for your outside. Now of course we all know that not all men are awful but it can be hard for a woman to trust a man when she's been with an untrustworthy one. To keep yourself guarded from stumbling, ask the Lord to guard your mind when the feeling of loneliness creeps in. When a handsome tall drink of something looks your way and your flesh is ready for the hunt, remind yourself that God has someone specifically for you and you will receive the desires of your heart when you RESIST temptation. Am I saying it will be easy, not at all, especially when you see marriage all around you. Don't worry because in your weakness, God is made strong! Don't fall for the counterfeits, seek God in forgiving the men who did you wrong in the past (IT'S SO HARD BUT IT BENEFITS YOUR MARRIAGE BECAUSE YOU WON'T TAKE YOUR PAST HURTS OUT ON YOUR SPOUSE) , let the weight of that pain go and stay focused on the King.

How can someone handle who I used to be?...

Let me tell you something Kingdom Sister, we all have a past, we all mess up even when we receive Jesus, this is EXACTLY why we need Him! As women, we tend to beat ourselves up to the extreme. We do it with motherhood when something happens to our kids, we do it in marriage when an argument happens, we do it with our jobs when we have unruly customers and so much more. Listen to this, secrets don't last nor do they work in a marriage especially when you have a real man of God by your side and yes the same thing applies to them as well. Even if it's a traumatic experience that you never told anyone about, you should be able to confide in God of course as well as your husband. A lie and a secret goes hand in hand but they can only last for so long. Honestly, as a devoted woman of God, you know that your story is your testimony and you've had moments of sharing it but I get it, it can be tough to come clean about everything you used to do to the one you are about to marry. Trust me, it's so much better to be open and honest with the one you are about to marry. It's important because during arguments and rough patches, you'll both be able to actually see why you react a certain way. For example, you may cut people off when they talk because during your toxic relationship, you were never truly heard. Or, you scream and snap immediately after someone says one of your triggers because you were used to just letting your pain pile up from years and years of being told to just shut up. You have to be willing to be open and honest about who you were so that your marriage can thrive. Know that when it comes down to spending time with the man of God that was sent to who by Him, he will be open to hear how you used to be because he will also know that he has to be open with you. Please, always remember, being open and honest before the ring and after walking down the aisle is so important for a HEALTHY MARRIAGE. You don't want your husband to have to be shown certain things about you when you could've just told him from the beginning. Real men of God are no joke, especially when it comes down to who all is connected to them.  Don't ever be ashamed of what you used to do or where you came from, you found freedom in Jesus and the man of God who is ordained to be your husband will accept you. 

Girl, I'm a single mom, how can I trust again?

As a single mother, you have a lot more at risk. Now of course we don't promote sex outside of marriage, but things happen, which is another reason why we all need Jesus. Since we are in the time of grace, when you gave your life to Christ, your little one(s) were covered and now the enemy is mad because you are choosing to follow God for yourself and for your little ones. Isn't it a blessing that they won't have to suffer because you chose to be serious with your walk with Christ. Now then, no one ever imagines that when a child comes into the picture that they would be on their own but sadly it happens sometimes. So you learning how to trust again can be slim but we know that it is possible. How can you do so without getting let down again. Well just know that people in general will let us down but this is when your discernment is extremely important. Now please don't confuse being stuck up with discerning. Sometimes people try to hide behind that word just so they have a chance to be messy and bitter without being obvious. Use your discernment by seeking God in who you should be connected to. Examine exactly how a man approached you. Was it in a way that immediately brought out the old you? Was it in a way that drove your flesh crazy, was it in a way that made you lose focus on God? Check in what ways are you attracted to this man, is it just for his talk, the way he moves, the way he interacts with you kid(s), is it how he turned you on? You see, you can be attracted to someone and it be genuine and wholesome but if he's just putting on a front in front of everyone just to obtain your jewels behind closed doors, you may need to evaluate yourself and how you were able to be so open to it. Now of course, this can be hard especially when you are trying to learn how to trust again but before you even get caught up in that, SEEK GOD IN YOUR QUIET TIME. Don't be afraid to ask God about someone's intentions towards you and as a mother you may not get a lot of quiet time but when it comes down to someone who takes an interest in you, it's important to seek God, you have TOO much at stake. When you get married, Kingdom Women know that the husband is the head of the household and you should be able to TRUST in him to lead and guide your family, you don't want to end up with someone who just drains you and uses you and your kids up. It can happen, don't let it happen to you or your babies! Check the motives and when a genuine man of God comes around who won't let you slip up and actually upholds holiness like you do, you will know. The fruit of his actions will show and it won't just be with the interaction he has with you but it will show the interactions with all areas of his life. When a real man of God takes interest in you, you'll see where his standards are not just in his romantic side but ALL of his sides. (YES IT MATTERS)

Don't go looking, he will find you!

"The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord" Proverbs 18:22

Kingdom Sisters who desire marriage, YOU ARE THE TREASURE! Treasure doesn't go off looking for people to find it. It waits, untouched, beautiful and valuable. You are valuable because you belong to God! You are the daughter of the King and just because you aren't married doesn't mean you aren't doing enough as a woman of God. Now yes, sadly, there has been wives who have looked down on single women, if you experienced that, don't let it taint your view of what it means to be a wife. There are plenty of married women out here who are truly happy and are willing to pray with and for you. Now of course, even after reading this you may have a tough time and mess up or even fall, guess what though, you have the ability to repent and to truly turn away from the sins that are causing damage. Being single may be easier to some than it is to others but don't worry, there is nothing wrong with desiring marriage, just be sure to know that you want God's will to be done and no matter how things turn out, you know that He is still worthy to be praised. If nobody has told you this, just know that you are loved, you are worthy of marriage, a real man of God will love you like Christ loves the church. Even when you make it to marriage and you experience trying times because the enemy HATES marriage, your prayers work, your honesty is needed, and your love for God will guide you. You all can do this. Uphold your holiness, protect your relationship with God and stay focused!

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged