A Little Bit of Everything

 It's been a long time and that's okay...

Hello there Kingdom Sisters & Brothers, I hope that you are enjoying your day today. I know that I have not been up here for a very long time and honestly there is no deep, supernatural reason for that. I was simply away from writing up here and you know what? That's okay. Now of course if you have been here since the beginning, then you know that I refuse to write just because I can. It always needs to be in God's timing and for a reason as well. And for me being away well honestly, the encourager needs encouragement too.. Would I have called this a break from writing? No, would this be considered a "funk" I had to get through? Not really. In all honesty, I needed to be away for myself. I needed to not only regroup but to discover that this isn't all of who Ivianna Lenise Young is and ever will be. That might come off a certain way but it's true. Sometimes we can mistake our passions or the things that we hold dear as our overall identity and that just simply isn't true for ANYONE! I refuse to be just "a writer or blogger or just one thing". There are so many things that I am able to do and new things that are to come and as I get older, change comes forth and I appreciate that more and more. There are those in my life who are known for a certain thing but once you get to know them, there's so many gifts and talents and so much more to them that you would think is hidden. When really, it's in plain sight, that's when you ask yourself are you taking the time to get to know people or do you just assume that you know all that there is to know about them? What does this have to do with me being away? What is my point? My point is that in my time of being away, I got lost, on a personal level, I wrapped myself into thinking that this was it, this was all that I was. But over the months, I finally began to embrace the little but important things that make me, well me. As a child, I had always enjoyed reading, learning new things about animals, certain games, and so much more. Now as an adult, I've found myself returning to those very things that brought me joy. And even being open enough to learn new things as well. 

It almost reminds me of having childlike faith...or at least returning to it. 

Too great to be placed in a box...

With all of that being said, I had to realize that even though I truly enjoyed writing, it's not the only thing that I have interest in and it's not the only thing that I'm good at. During this time on pondering on it all up to this very day (because it is a process) I know that God has so much more in store for me and that He can use anything that I have to bring forth whatever needs to come forth. This may sound big headed or high and mighty but I will leave that to you to decide because honestly, I'm tired of looking down on myself or putting myself into a box for the sake of appeasing others. Now don't get me wrong, being humble is a must, you just have to know that the self doubt and negative self talk will get you nowhere. God takes ordinary people to make them extraordinary and I see nothing wrong with embracing that. For a very long time, I used to have an extremely bad habit of always saying sorry. It was rooted in being a people pleaser, I don't mind talking about it, I was fine with trying to "fit the script" back then and it was unhealthy. I also had a bad habit of not being able to accept compliments, whether it had been for my work or for who I was as a person. Anyone can read this and instantly think that this is a load of garbage and think that I have never gone through anything difficult in my life. But to those who are reading this and are thinking that exact thought of how this is a load of crap, I extend grace to you truly and I don't even blame you. I truly don't because you only walked in on a portion of my life, and whether that was a great or not so great time for you, that's okay too because God is the only one that we can't dodge and hide from. With that being said, it could be easy to say: " YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH, SO DON'T BOTHER ME" See how easy that was? But what did it help? There is no point in trying to prove my growth, especially when fruit backs it up.  EVERYONE has something difficult that they are going through and or went through so who am I to allow myself to shift based on those who may view things differently? It doesn't matter how transparent or truthful or good you are, there will always be people out there who won't see eye to eye with you or will have an issue simply because it's you. And guess what? 

That's okay too, you aren't supposed to desire being everyone's cup of tea, some people don't even drink tea but they love your cup... you have to set boundaries to keep yourself from breaking..

The process of becoming..

If I had a word for this time away from it all, "becoming" seems to fit perfectly to me. Becoming more aware of who I am as a person in Christ rather than the labels that are slapped onto me. I've had my fair share of people just thinking that I was Marcus' quiet, little wife, or the time when I first gave birth, that whole "mom life" tried to swallow me whole as an identity and even with writing, this is something that I enjoy but it's not all of who I am. And I'll always love being a wife and mother and again, even those things are not all that I am. I can understand why people don't rush to become mothers because everywhere you look, you see another mom going through depression and pouring it all over the internet or then you see the know it all mothers who just seem to have a solution for everyone's child, then you have the toxic mothers who try to scare new moms or say 'just wait until" ( in a bitter way) and then they turn around and wish their baby was a newborn. Now don't get me wrong, some mothers don't mind putting it all out there and they actually help others but what about the ones who put it all out there WITHOUT the solution? If I as a young mother am going through something and I see that a  mom who is crying all over the place or showing the screaming kids in the background, how does that encourage me? Sure, as mothers, regardless of the social status, it's good to see that other moms aren't always perfect and strong as the world says but what is the solution? Or even if you are someone who tends to be transparent for the sake of being real, again I ask, what's the solution? This isn't to put others down but to more so see that you can be transparent while still telling people how you overcame whatever it was you were being transparent about.  In the area of motherhood, I gave myself grace by living by this: being the best mother for Myles. ( I suggest any other moms should do the same and to the wives, there will be a separate upload for that) It's too much pressure trying to be the best mother ever, but personalizing it to just you and your child/children makes it easier. 

Just like personalizing what Jesus did on the cross for you makes your faith stronger...

This process of becoming does not have a simple solution only because, I'm still taking each day at a time, and again that's okay. (And yes I know that we can say Jesus, just make sure that you follow through with moving how Jesus would, hard isn't it? He forgave a lot, he didn't try to clear his name, and he suffered a lot but he pressed forward) If you are in the process of becoming, just make sure that it's for the right reasons. Make sure that it's because you want to not just do better but actually be better as a whole. Make sure that it's not because someone offends you and you take it personally and you want to out do them but because you take what Jesus did on the cross for you personally and you want to out do who YOU used to be. The process of becoming is truly for those who are ready to take their growth seriously.

So what now? What's next?

Well now, I know that this is cutting it short but this is all that I am able to pour out in this moment. Knowing when to step back when you aren't at your best or just simply not feeling it is important to me because it makes you pay attention to yourself in ways that you didn't before. I've found myself having to call out myself on the way I react to certain things, cast down self doubt and much more but I can't say that I want growth and to move forward without putting the work in so I won't complain about it. I also understand if this post may seem all over the place but honestly, nothing is always going to be perfect and I've found that if you wait around for that "perfect" to come your way whether it be in your love life ( NOT CONDONING ANY RED FLAGS ARE EXTREME BEHAVIOR AT ALL), your career path, your friends & family ( NOT CONDONING ANY RED FLAGS OR EXTREME BEHAVIOR AT ALL), or even in your creative process, you'll always be stagnant when God is trying to get you to where you need to be! Instead, strive for continual progress, it's better than perfection and it's less stressful believe it or not. As for myself personally, I am excited for the new things to come and for embracing the skills and traits and just everything that makes me well.. me. And no this isn't just some fancy way of saying "that's just who I am." You know your toxic traits and behaviors, EVERYONE has something that they need to call out or overcome and if you can't see that in yourself you need to have REAL people in your corner who can tell you when you're wrong without a bitter undertone of course (yes, those kind of people exist.) The people who truly LOVE you are the ones who will call you out on your stuff not to belittle you like counterfeit friends but to push you to improve yourself. If you have someone in your corner who agrees with every little thing you say and do behind closed doors and YOU already know that your behavior or whatever it is that you are struggling with isn't good for you, and they still "yes man" you, that's unhealthy. People may not agree but the actions of a person and intention always come to light whether you have to see it from another point of view or they eventually tell on themselves. 

I very much enjoy the title of this post " A little bit of everything" because that's who I am in my own way, there's so many things that I have to learn in order to grow. I'm so grateful to God for every little thing, the blessing and the lesson!!

 Honestly that applies to all of us, remain teachable, know that you're not always right and be grateful for those who genuinely love you. This isn't good bye but I thank you all for your continued support, even to those that I don't know personally, I appreciate you for even clicking on any posts that I've published, I truly appreciate it...

Until next time...

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged