Feeling Lost (Part 1) : Cookie Cutter Christian vs Christ Like Believer

 Lost? Sis I'm good...sometimes 

Before I begin, I'd like to say that this will be turning into a series for women of God who have been feeling lost in their faith as a whole. Now of course I don't mind that men of God read this as well, just know that for the first portion of this series, it will mainly be tackling issues that the everyday woman faces and struggles with. Please note that this not only will be a series on the blog but also on Facebook and Instagram as well, and you can tune in by following both at: thisisthewifelife. I hope that you enjoy this series and that it gives each and every single one of you the courage to speak out on certain issues and topics that get swept under the rug especially for women of God and no the relationship status will not matter in this series. I say this because we can all agree that whether or not you are single, in a relationship, engaged, divorced, and or married, women in the Kingdom of God go through very similar struggles and need to be protected. There are times in the every day woman's life where she feels the need to hide her struggles for the sake of being strong. She may be you. You may be the "strong" friend but you break silently by yourself. You may be the "most reliable" friend but sometimes you're left feeling drained and you want to talk about it but you feel like it'll come out wrong. Maybe you're the type of woman who is always seen as outspoken and blunt but maybe it's because you have a small thing about not being heard enough. Maybe you're the type of woman who runs to humor and comedy as a coping mechanism in order to get over whatever tragic news you've received. Maybe you're the type of woman who isn't too fond of being vulnerable because certain situations and people planted a toxic seed within you making you think that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. Maybe you're the undercover perfectionist who feels that if everything doesn't go exactly how you pictured or viewed it, you take it out on yourself by resulting to negative self talk. Maybe you're the type of woman who longs to be in the arms of a good man but you constantly find yourself in the arms of the wrong men and your heart is close to giving up on love. Maybe you're the type of woman who goes through things mentally but silently, maybe you make up scenarios up in your head about how someone feels towards you and it's all imagination. And yes of course, there are some bad people out there but you know the difference between your mind creating toxic scenarios and there actually being one. These topics are very popular in an undercover way, even women in Christ know that there's more out there that isn't talked about but it needs to be talked about. Whatever type of woman you are and whatever kind of struggle you are facing, it's possible to not just overcome them but reach out to others about your story and about how others can gain freedom as well. I hope this not only blesses you and is seen as relatable but that you also receive the healing that you need and the freedom that you long for.

Becoming the... "Cookie Cutter Christian"

Church culture can make women back away from Christ and here's why. Let's say that you are a single mother who has been through a lot and you need a church to go to just to START somewhere in your faith and actually learn about the goodness of God. But as soon as you get settled in the building, you hear the whispers of how your clothes aren't what they should be, but little do people know, that's all you have. Then you have the undercover bad boys of the church. They'll go on and on about wanting a holy ghost filled wife but suddenly you get an inappropriate dm late at night and now you're confused because you came to the church to get away from people and things like this. So now you want to stay away because the same people who should've helped you were the ones who talked about you. The same type of man you tried to get away from, found itself in the church displaying hypocritical behavior. Another example of church culture, you show up to church in your Sunday's best, you're a single woman with no children but you desire marriage and kids one day but then you see how certain married women act as if they're better than you. So now with that being all that you've been exposed to inside the church, your dream for longing for marriage is tainted and you now think that all married women think they're better than anyone. Not to mention how certain married men in the church don't uphold to what they talk about and this again confuses you. Another example of church culture, you're a young married woman who is getting serious about seeing in the spirit and your relationship with Christ but you're looked down on and talked about by older women around you who are scoffing at you, wondering what you did to get a good husband instead of them. I could go on and on about today's church culture. With the things that I have listed so far, no wonder women don't want to approach the church or even give Jesus a try. Now of course if you have been in Christ and actually built a relationship with God through Him then you know that what people do with their actions shouldn't determine your loyalty to GOD, see how I said GOD, JESUS CHRIST, and NOT man. It's because we shouldn't rely on people to determine how saved we are and how we represent God through our lifestyles. Now if you found yourself going through or struggling with Church Culture then it's time for you to heal from it and to truly seek God out for yourself and through His word, He will certainly lead you to genuine and real people of God. BUT because of all the hurt and hypocrisy you've witnessed inside the church, your walls are all the way up and you may have burned bridges with people who only wanted the best for you. Have you been in this situation before? Lord knows I have. So what happens if you don't truly heal from all of this (and or worse scenarios) and you begin to sweep things under the rug as well? You become the cookie cutter christian by default. What does that look like? You'll turn a blind eye at the hypocrisy and strive to be approved by man on the daily basis instead of living for the approval of God. You'll be more tangled up in getting to the building every Sunday but throughout the week you won't even look at your Bible. You'll share cute and colorful photos of Bible scriptures but you won't even dig for the true meaning of them. You'll post your Bible or a worship song here and there because it looks like you're doing what you're supposed to but you won't ever push your plate and or deny yourself. If someone said that you needed to pray for 2 hours straight, you'd groan because you haven't been praying like you should have been behind closed doors. But all of a sudden, inside the church or online you're a prayer warrior. Then sin comes into the picture, it's one thing when you make a mistake but then you start to indulge in sin a little too much and you feel a bit too relaxed while doing it because you have now developed the mindset of "I'll just repent later, God always forgives me" But what if  "later" never comes? What if the next time you close your eyes is the last time? Then you have to answer before God for all the actions, thoughts, and measures you went through. The Cookie Cutter Christian.. a facade, all show and no substance, the one who has chosen the church culture over the relationship with Christ...

Becoming the "Christ Like Believer"

So let's say you're a woman in search of God's love because you know that you've been running from God your whole life. You know that you're tired of going in circles with certain men and certain women who mean you no good. You're tired of having one too many times of almost dying or getting yourself in sticky situations, you're tired of denying the very thing that God has placed inside of you. So you begin to see these moments where certain people just were lead to bless you out of nowhere, you find out that there are genuine people in Christ. And hold on, not only are they genuine but they're upfront about what God has delivered them from. (Notice how in the cookie cutter section, deliverance wasn't brought up at all.) Now even though you're starting to see real people in Christ, you're hesitant to get close because let's say that something in your childhood made you think that God wasn't for you. Well honestly, it sucks but people misrepresent God every single day. We all know the stories too well, evil church members or hearing someone's truth in what happened to them as a child in the church building. These things are graphic and horrible but the people that you pass by everyday may have a story like that and you personally may have a real story like that. So how do you become a Christ Like Believer, you share your testimony, raw and uncut, you're upfront about when you fell off a few times in your faith or when you aren't as strong. Even if people tell you to reach out and you don't feel strong enough to do so, you admit your faults and weaknesses. You do these things because you never know who may be around you with the same story or similar or current situation who either made it through or needs hope that it's possible for them too. Now with being a Christ like believer, there are some ups as well as downs. Firstly as a woman of God, there's always counterfeit men who will literally try to "match" your devotion to God with their own. They'll present to you every single little thing that LOOKS like a godly man but it's honestly a predator stalking his prey, preparing himself for the meal of destroying you. Some of you might have gone through this, everything in your life might have been lining up and you were probably receiving all of the blessings that God had sent to you especially after leaving a toxic relationship, but as soon as you try again with someone who LOOKED like a real man of God... You let your guard down, your discernment was no where to be found and you found yourself stuck in the arms of the wrong man who's not only using you for your body but using your car, your home, even your money... And maybe his actions were and are worse than what people can see and you're left fighting for your life to leave. Even if you have gone through this, it's not to bring back painful memories or for you to sit there and beat yourself up or to just denounce all men because some women want to do that. It's to let you know that you can't drop your devotion to God for the sake of not being lonely. If you're a single woman of God, this may sound weird coming from a married woman of God, but you can't settle, if you have to wait a little longer for your God sent husband, then hang on and don't settle. Now of course I'm not saying that hanging on while single will be easy because honestly it's hard. There's lust, there's people who fit the frame of what you think you want but there's someone out there who is the whole picture with the words to match. Even if you're a married woman of God or a mother, the anointing will not only be attractive to others but it will also have people looking to you as an example of what they want to be. How do you handle something like that if you mess up daily? How do you handle pressure like that if behind closed doors you feel as though you're breaking? This is the short and yet simple answer that has been keeping me: you be real about it. Now it's short and simple and yet there's digging within yourself that you have to watch for. Yes, be transparent about your daily struggles as a woman of God just make sure that there are no bitter undertones. How do you do that? Heal and seek deliverance. When sin comes into the picture, confess your sins and take the necessary steps to guard yourself from falling into a repetitive state. If pornography and masturbation is a weak area for you as a woman, then you need to block, delete, and shield yourself from certain images, videos, and pages that are designed for you to literally fall. If gossiping and jealousy is a weak area, call people out on bringing you the latest tea, cut people off who feel comfortable with gossiping to YOU because they will eventually gossip about YOU if you get on their bad side. With jealousy, seriously just ask God to show you all of the wonderful things that make you, YOU. Remind yourself of how blessed you are with what you have, because while you're jealous of the next woman, you have no idea what kind of hell she had to go through to get to the very woman she is today. That can be applied to you too if you finally let go of bitterness, jealousy and resentment. Being a Christ like believer is being able to own up to your mistakes, talk about the times you fell short, show up with integrity and to be honest about who you are in Christ. The Christ Like Believer, striving to be like Christ with consistency. Substance in public and in private..

Sis.. I'm willing to change..

Now this is a bit lengthy but with these examples of what a real follower of Christ is compared to the generic is needed. For women of God, these among many other struggles, whether you be a wife, mother, single mother, or single woman, need to be talked about. These topics, whether they be surface and light or deep and graphic need to be talked about because there are women out here who truly want to give God a try through Christ. But they'll back away if we don't do our best to represent what God stands for. Don't strive to present yourself as the Woman of God who never goes through anything in order to be deemed as worthy, be the woman of God who is authentic in her journey. There are other women out here who are tired of the "high school clique" mindset or the "who's better than who" mindset. So as I draw to a close, please know that there will be topics throughout this series that will seem harsh and touchy but they need to be talked about because our lives used to be harsh and touchy and there are women out there just like you and I who have struggles that they try to just push away instead of trying to overcome them. If you're truly willing to change, I hope you receive what you need from God in order to do so for the better. There are genuine women of God out here and you can be one of them and you can become one of them as well. We just have to stop having the crab mentality towards one another regardless of the social status but we'll tackle those in Part 2. For now dear ladies who are reading, I hope this opened your eyes to a lot and that you gain the courage to be authentic about your walk with Christ. Women of God can feel lost and I'm hoping that this mini series will help you find yourself in Christ again..

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged