I Am In Full Bloom

The Seed Is Planted...

In the earlier stages of my life, I was born a seed. Just a lonely seed with multiple gardens and paths to choose from. Full of life, we could say that it was almost too much to take in for such a little seed like me. When you are young and full of life, there are numerous of times where people would like to see you bloom in a place that they've never been in before. And without even realizing it, an enormous, heavy amount of pressure is applied and your roots haven't even settled into your soil of choice yet. I had a plan when I got older, but everything began to change. Some for the worse and some for the better and then, I had found a new kind of sunshine that supplies all my needs. Let's not jump ahead of ourselves here.  Now then, I had started out as a seed that had planned on growing in soil but little did I know that God had other plans for me, I just had to find Him for myself, even though, He had already found me. For I was a seed that was not planted in soil but was thrown into water...

The Struggle To Sprout...

A seed in water, seems to be easygoing when you think about it but how much do we really think about the power that water holds. Yes, it has it's beauty and it also has it's dangers and once it becomes polluted, it's extremely tough to grow through. In moments of time, a stream of water can be calm, cooling, and comforting, but at other times, in rivers & oceans, water is rushing and powerful and can drown you with it's untamable strength. My childhood was known to be my times in the stream. Calm, yes, tough at times, but mostly calm, cooling, and comforting. My older years was when I was pulled out into the rivers & oceans and at first, I didn't take it too well at all. I had almost thought that I would never be able to grow, but little did I know that a mighty gardener was keeping watch all through this time. The water I was thrown into, became polluted and muddy, muddy waters is what I was forced to grow through...

Growing Through Muddy Waters...

The first 2 years of being in the rivers & oceans was tough enough on it's own, but I made it even tougher than I had to. I began to think that in order to survive, I had to be like everyone else, so instead of my bud growing in the light, I began to lean towards the darkness, growing BARELY in the shallow end. My bud was exposed to gases that stumped my growth and I was always wondering when I could get beautiful petals to show off like all the other buds that had already bloomed. But, no matter how hard I tried, I was never pretty enough for other people or good enough to fit in with other people. That's really all I wanted to do, why? Because I was trying to survive on worldly terms and live a worldly life, not knowing that I had a call from the light ever since I was a seed. Growing though muddy waters began to grow tiresome to the point where in my mind, I began to belittle myself. I went through this process of being lost inside my mind, telling myself over and over again that I wasn't good enough to live and how I didn't want to live. Even when I wanted to destroy my own bud, that mighty gardener stopped me every single time without me even realizing it. Afterwards, I went through a phase of just shutting everyone out, almost becoming mute. When all the other buds began to bloom and grow, I stayed closed up to the point where I was unable to bloom. I refused sunlight and became cooped up inside my own mind. Comparison was the thief of my joy and loneliness swallowed me whole. I wanted boys to notice me and I was seeking unwanted attention, still never realizing that the only recognition I needed was near me my whole life. With fumes burning around my bud, and everyone outgrowing me, I had lost all hope until one day, my time in the shallow end began to grow thin.

Late Bloomer To Some, Right On Time To Him...

I'm a hard worker no matter what I do and when I had my first job, I picked up on how to operate quickly and I enjoyed my earnings. I regained a new kind of focus which lead me to be more productive in the next 2 years of my life. No longer did fumes burn around me and even though I was still a bud, I began to open my tips a bit to a few people. I drifted farther and farther away from the shallow ends bit by bit each day. I started to force myself to keep my mind busy with the things I loved. So I took up acting in theater class and I began to broaden my art skills in art class. Everyday, bit by bit, I found ways to like my life but as time will tell, the shallow end did try to pull me back in. As I stated before, comparison was the thief of my joy and I didn't understand how some buds and blooms could get everything they ever wanted handed off to them. And then I really didn't grasp the concept of when one of them did something wrong, they were rewarded or looked upon the good example because of the facade they put on in front of older blooms. I, again, found myself in the downward spiral to sadness this time. Yes, I battled a depression period, when really looking back on it, it was nothing but the enemy trying to destroy me. At the time, even the enemy knew about the power and authority that was on my life, and I had no clue. But one faithful day, I found my way to God and I got so tired of suicidal thinking and depression and being loenly that I wanted something more, I wanted to feel whole and important and fulfilling. So, in the back of my job, right before my long day of work had began, I gave my life to Christ and accepted him as my Lord & Savior. From that day on, I stumbled and fell but God. My life changed tremendously and with time, so did my walk with Christ. I was a late bloomer to some but I was right on time to Him.

Rising Above The Surface To Bloom...

2017 was a very long year for me, full of change, letting go of heavy weights, opening up about the truth and accepting the past as the past. I had my a lot of ups though. I had moved out of my parents home and gotten married, became serious about my relationship with God, and found a church where I could and continue to grow. Suicide and Depression are just two of the things that the enemy really tried to hit me hard with in order to destroy me and cut my life short BUT GOD! In 2017, I was under spiritual construction. After discovering the authority and calling that God had placed on my life, tests, trials, and attacks came flying towards me and yes sometimes I had to retake the test BUT I wasn't in the shallow ends. I was rising higher and higher, learning how to be humble when my petals grew up and out, learning how to be kind and gentle as my bud began to fully open into it's full potential. Yes, with my humbleness, people would try to walk all over me and use me for their own benefit. At times, it's sad to say, but I had allowed it, but this year, that's not gonna happen anymore. Also I had a mouth on me that got swept into gossip from time to time as well. That's not gonna happen either. All of the negative and ungodly things that once had power over my life now cease to exist by the grace and mercy of God. I had to repent and be delivered and set free and because of my fear in God, I just refuse to even risk upsetting Him after all He's brought me through and blessed me with when we both know I didn't deserve it.

I Am In Full Bloom!!!

My petals are spread out far and wide as I sit above the surface taking in all the light, basking in the Lord's presence. The leaves underneath me are flourishing with a rich healthy, green. In this season, no longer will I tolerate things that aren't of God. Prayer and fasting shift the things around us and it kills off our flesh so that we are made well in the Lord's eyes. Renewed strength and restoration is here. The Lord has made me whole and it is in Him that I have found my confidence and purpose. I am in full bloom this season, taking charge of my time. Filling my space up with the love of Christ and working hard for the kingdom. Blooming in His presence unapologetically, not for my own glory but for His and His alone. Consuming the daily bread more and digesting and holding onto the scriptures that will help me bulldoze through this year. It's time to really start pushing the things of God. I had started by encouraging others and applying the Word of God to my life more and more every single day. I know a lot of people say "new year, new me" but this year, it's a better me because there's a decrease in my flesh and a tremendous increase in God's presence. I pray that this year, you are all in full bloom, basking in the Lord's light. As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged:)