The Transparency Of My Pregnancy
Hello all, I hope you are all doing very well today and thank you for tuning into today's post. I'd also like to thank you all who have been reading and supporting from the beginning and if you are new to the blog then welcome! I hope you enjoy today's post and don't forget to check out some of my other posts from 2017-2018 Now then let's dive into today's topic at hand:
"The Transparency of My Pregnancy"
Now then, as I have stated in my most recent post, I was off of the blog for awhile because my husband and I have recently had our first son and today I just want to share how God graced and protected my son and I during our pregnancy from the very beginning. May 3rd, 2018 was the day that I found out I was pregnant. Exactly two days after my birthday and the amount of joy that rose up within me was something I had never experienced before. You see, prior to me finding out that I was pregnant, there were two tests that I had taken before hand and let me tell you, seeing a negative pregnancy test twice tore me apart. Now I know that people will read this and think I'm crazy or rushing but just bare with me here. I'm married and I had been desiring children with my husband, and with us, it didn't matter when we were going to have children, I just knew that we wanted them. So no, we weren't trying, we just knew that whenever it happened it happened. So the reason why I was torn up inside those two times was because of the hope that swells up within you when you want a baby. The very first time I took a test, it didn't bother me too much but that second time hit me hard, both times I took the tests, I was home alone and the enemy really tried to put nonsense in my mind. I was attacked with thoughts saying how could I be a mother, I'm not strong enough. That's literally what I was getting attacked with, then the thoughts of me not being woman enough were trying to attack me. Now I knew that being a woman wasn't centered around having children but the enemy was trying to make me think that I wasn't woman enough. Now mind you that there was nothing wrong with me health wise and we weren't rushing or planning but because of what was about to come, the enemy really tried to knock me down in my mind. Then, the shift came.
As soon as the month of April hit, I felt different, and not in a bad way. I had noticed changes in the way I carried myself throughout this entire month. It was as if I had already knew I was carrying a baby without actually knowing. You see, during this time, I was still baby sitting and all of a sudden, I was more careful with how I was handling myself with the children. I wasn't rough housing or picking them up as much as I used to and I noticed myself getting more tired earlier within the day. Now mind you, I had no idea I was pregnant but during this whole month of April, I carried myself differently. It was like I knew in a sense that one wrong move could break me if that makes any sense. So the entire month continued like this and towards the end of April, I told my husband that I thought I was pregnant. So two days after my birthday, I was about to take the test. I remember, before going into the bathroom that I just asked my husband to hold me if the test came back negative. I remember asking him to do this because honestly, I didn't want to think that anything was wrong with me but seeing negative pregnancy tests, especially when you think your body is changing, is no fun. So I went into the bathroom, did my business and took the test. I didn't look at it until I was off the toilet. I sat down, picked the test up and there they were, two lines showing that I was pregnant and I showed my husband and we just both sat there shocked, amazed, joyful, and just in awe. My husband immediately said it was a boy and soon we would know that that was the Holy Ghost. Little did I know, that this journey of being pregnant was going to be filled with ups and downs.
As my pregnancy began to continue, I was beginning to show even though I wasn't that far along. Now let me tell y'all this. I messed up during my pregnancy by allowing people to steal my joy about expecting! Now, let's continue. I was beginning to show and I thought my belly was so cute and I felt beautiful and confident right up until people starting to examine me and make statements about my outward appearance as if I was some new animal in the zoo. Oh, yes, I'm being very blunt so bare with me here. Now, don't get me wrong, there were people who just knew I was changing because of the baby and then there were people who were just rude and insulting me. I had so many people tell me that I was huge (mind you this is only the beginning of my pregnancy) . People were comparing me to other people of when they were pregnant and how big I was compared to them. I had people literally tell me that I was so big that I must've been carrying twins. Again, this was only the beginning of my pregnancy, I could still wear my regular bottoms and clothes. I was small, I didn't even begin to swell in my face or gain obvious weight until the middle end of my pregnancy but then I had to learn the ugly truth. The people who are jealous of you in any way, shape, or form, are the ones who will try their best to tear you down during a time where you should be the most happy. And, sadly, I began to fall for it. Any type of confidence that I had vanished. I didn't look at my belly as cute anymore. I began to compare my pregnancy looks to other pregnant women online. I let the words of others on how big I had gotten attack me daily. And I wasn't even big yet. Crazy how that works right? So another thing that tried to get me was other people's pregnancy experiences. I literally had women coming up to me telling me that I was going to be miserable and sick and sore and unhappy and feel ugly and have horrible symptoms and I wouldn't want to be near my husband and that I would blame my husband for my body changing. Yes, again, I'm being more blunt than most of y'all are used to me being. This all has happened to me during a time where I'm supposed to be focusing on being happy about my bundle of joy.
As my pregnancy progressed, my husband and others kept speaking life over my pregnancy. I remember being in church and it was spoken over my life that the baby and I would be healthy and I wouldn't experience any sickness. And, during my entire pregnancy, I never got sick, I was always healthy each time a took tests at the doctors and the baby was always in the right position with a strong heartbeat. Every time I told people that I was never throwing up or had anything going on with me and baby, they would look at me in unbelief but hey, I can't control what God has in store for me. I had faith that I wouldn't be sick the whole time and that literally came to pass. Now there were actually people who were legit bothered that my pregnancy was going by so smoothly so then the enemy tried to throw another set of attacks at me and this time it was the gender that I wanted the baby to be. Now you know how people say whatever the gender you want, you'll get the opposite? Well there were people who were genuinely saying that to me and then there were people who just didn't want me to have what I wanted. I knew that I was going to have a son, it was my heart desire and I was praying to God for one during my pregnancy before we found out. And for some odd reason, certain people would just say girl with bitter intent behind it. You see when you have a RELATIONSHIP with God, you'll find out that the Holy Ghost tells on everyone, including YOU (just in case you read that and felt big headed) . But, I didn't pay bitter people any mind, I literally began to shift away from the people who didn't speak life about the baby or me. I spent the majority of my time with the genuine people. And you know what, it was mainly the unexpected people who have been there after the baby was born, but that is another story for another time. Now when it was finally time to find out the gender of our little one, I just knew that it was going to be a boy, even though some people had their own take on things. I never blamed the genuine people though, they would make things fun with finding out the gender of the baby or trying to guess and I thank God for them. A few of our beloved friends threw us a gender reveal and when I saw the color blue falling out of the gender reveal box, I was extremely happy and all I could do was jump and thank God. I was stronger and fought back when the enemy tried to use people to knock me down on what I wanted our child to be but again, it came to pass and we were surely having a boy. As my pregnancy continued, I was still very active through it all, still going to church and hanging out and right when I began to gain my confidence back and feel beautiful again, that was the very last thing the enemy would try to attack.
Before I was pregnant, I was small but not too small but still, people weren't used to seeing me so big but uhhhh neither was I. It was as if one night, I blew up, in my nose and face and hands and feet and my whole lower body, everything was huge and puffed up and people NEVER let me go a day without seeing it which attacked my mind heavily. I began to slip into my old mindset of talking down on myself which took a very long time to break free out of. But man, people were just eating it up that I was huge and I still had to hold my head up each day and be strong because even though I was going through, it seemed like I always got set up by the Lord to operate in ministry whether it was just praying for someone, sharing a mini testimony, or speaking life into someone,or just checking up on someone, it was like I didn't have a choice to give up or fall short. My husband constantly spoke life into me and encouraged me behind the scenes and honestly I was just so grateful for that because when you are seen as the strong person, everyone will run to you but you usually have nobody to run to when you need a pick me up. First off, God is there for you even when you think He isn't. Secondly, it is critically important to cover your mind with the blood of Jesus Christ, CONSTANTLY. Eventually, as the due date began to approach, I was big and ready to pop the baby out. I still had moments where I would let the outward appearance bother me though, especially when people made obvious rude comments but for everyone who truly genuine the whole way through, I thank God for you! Throughout this entire pregnancy, true colors were revealed, things within me about my faith and trust in God were revealed and noticing how humble I remained was also revealing. You know when you can see how your old self would react in a current situation? Well, honestly if I was who I used to be, I probably would've had a lot to say to the bitter people, but when you take the high road, you find more peace.
In conclusion, the enemy really tried to attack my mind and even though I had strong faith in not being sick during pregnancy, my faith wasn't as strong when it came down to confidence and I let others steal my joy too easily when it came down to my bump growing. I had to learn to keep my confidence in Christ and not just on appearances. But these things needs to be shown to us so that we can improve and increase our faith in God and not in our own will power and understanding. Little did I know that after I delivered our son, a whole new battle was awaiting but you'll have to stick around for that story, so hit the follow button and be on the lookout!
As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged
As my pregnancy progressed, my husband and others kept speaking life over my pregnancy. I remember being in church and it was spoken over my life that the baby and I would be healthy and I wouldn't experience any sickness. And, during my entire pregnancy, I never got sick, I was always healthy each time a took tests at the doctors and the baby was always in the right position with a strong heartbeat. Every time I told people that I was never throwing up or had anything going on with me and baby, they would look at me in unbelief but hey, I can't control what God has in store for me. I had faith that I wouldn't be sick the whole time and that literally came to pass. Now there were actually people who were legit bothered that my pregnancy was going by so smoothly so then the enemy tried to throw another set of attacks at me and this time it was the gender that I wanted the baby to be. Now you know how people say whatever the gender you want, you'll get the opposite? Well there were people who were genuinely saying that to me and then there were people who just didn't want me to have what I wanted. I knew that I was going to have a son, it was my heart desire and I was praying to God for one during my pregnancy before we found out. And for some odd reason, certain people would just say girl with bitter intent behind it. You see when you have a RELATIONSHIP with God, you'll find out that the Holy Ghost tells on everyone, including YOU (just in case you read that and felt big headed) . But, I didn't pay bitter people any mind, I literally began to shift away from the people who didn't speak life about the baby or me. I spent the majority of my time with the genuine people. And you know what, it was mainly the unexpected people who have been there after the baby was born, but that is another story for another time. Now when it was finally time to find out the gender of our little one, I just knew that it was going to be a boy, even though some people had their own take on things. I never blamed the genuine people though, they would make things fun with finding out the gender of the baby or trying to guess and I thank God for them. A few of our beloved friends threw us a gender reveal and when I saw the color blue falling out of the gender reveal box, I was extremely happy and all I could do was jump and thank God. I was stronger and fought back when the enemy tried to use people to knock me down on what I wanted our child to be but again, it came to pass and we were surely having a boy. As my pregnancy continued, I was still very active through it all, still going to church and hanging out and right when I began to gain my confidence back and feel beautiful again, that was the very last thing the enemy would try to attack.
Before I was pregnant, I was small but not too small but still, people weren't used to seeing me so big but uhhhh neither was I. It was as if one night, I blew up, in my nose and face and hands and feet and my whole lower body, everything was huge and puffed up and people NEVER let me go a day without seeing it which attacked my mind heavily. I began to slip into my old mindset of talking down on myself which took a very long time to break free out of. But man, people were just eating it up that I was huge and I still had to hold my head up each day and be strong because even though I was going through, it seemed like I always got set up by the Lord to operate in ministry whether it was just praying for someone, sharing a mini testimony, or speaking life into someone,or just checking up on someone, it was like I didn't have a choice to give up or fall short. My husband constantly spoke life into me and encouraged me behind the scenes and honestly I was just so grateful for that because when you are seen as the strong person, everyone will run to you but you usually have nobody to run to when you need a pick me up. First off, God is there for you even when you think He isn't. Secondly, it is critically important to cover your mind with the blood of Jesus Christ, CONSTANTLY. Eventually, as the due date began to approach, I was big and ready to pop the baby out. I still had moments where I would let the outward appearance bother me though, especially when people made obvious rude comments but for everyone who truly genuine the whole way through, I thank God for you! Throughout this entire pregnancy, true colors were revealed, things within me about my faith and trust in God were revealed and noticing how humble I remained was also revealing. You know when you can see how your old self would react in a current situation? Well, honestly if I was who I used to be, I probably would've had a lot to say to the bitter people, but when you take the high road, you find more peace.
In conclusion, the enemy really tried to attack my mind and even though I had strong faith in not being sick during pregnancy, my faith wasn't as strong when it came down to confidence and I let others steal my joy too easily when it came down to my bump growing. I had to learn to keep my confidence in Christ and not just on appearances. But these things needs to be shown to us so that we can improve and increase our faith in God and not in our own will power and understanding. Little did I know that after I delivered our son, a whole new battle was awaiting but you'll have to stick around for that story, so hit the follow button and be on the lookout!
As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged
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