You've Outgrown It, Now Bloom!

In times where we need rest, it might not come in ways that we would expect it to. In times of growth, we find out that the old things within us are seriously holding us back from our God- given purpose. I have been away for awhile on both of these accounts and I must say that it was very well needed. Now as you all know, I don't write unless I am lead to, no matter how much I may want to, I only want to put out what God would have me to put out. During my time of being away, in the beginning, I was almost in the position of giving up and taking down everything I have been working on. This was only because of the state of mind I was in at the time which was not good or helpful at all. I figured that how on earth could I be of help to anyone if I'm not even in the right mindset to help and or encourage myself. Between tending to my little one who is now going through the teething phase and trying to keep my mind focused, I can honestly say that I was really done with everything. Done with writing, blogging, my whole brand, and future projects that have yet to be released, I was beyond done. I wanted to hand it all off to someone else. I didn't want my position anymore. Crazy right? Well from our church, in the beginning, I had learned that when you are called to a certain form of ministry, you never really want to do it. On many occasions this has been the case for me, it just hit a little harder than usual this time. 

During this time, I began to see myself and my faults, I began to see how I was hindering my own growth. One of the things was worrying about the opinions of others when it came down to my work and content. This was an old attack, one that I had gotten rid of a very long time ago. We all know that the enemy can only use the old thing against you to see if it still causes damage, but God. I began to abandon the very thing that I was blessed with in 2017. Then, as if that wasn't enough, another old attack began to make a comeback, frustration. I saw myself getting upset or angry faster than usual. Now of course for my fellow parents and or people who have raised/been around children, you know all too well how exhausting children can be. This wasn't just a normal frustration though, there was a root that had to get cut down and uprooted once and for all. Lastly but not least, I grew silent in ways that weren't beneficial to my growth. I had moments of completely letting discouraged and or heavy thoughts run rampant through my mind and on the outside, I was acting as if it was all alright but my husband knew otherwise and I thank God for that. You see, I  have had enough of it! I had gotten to the very point where I was done with the patterns. I was done with allowing the small things to cause huge wounds, and I knew it was time for growth no matter how uncomfortable it was going to get.

On my road to outgrowing the very things that were holding me back, I had to admit the things to myself first that I had let in, then I had to gain the courage to release it to God and let it stay in His hands. I say this because there are so many times where we claim to give a thing to God but then we act as if we have to keep checking up on it as if God is a little kid with a piece of candy. Crazy of us to be like that right? This time around though, I knew that I couldn't keep double checking up on what I had already given to God. I had to let go of the desire to control and have things done my way. I had to get down on my face DAILY, making it my goal to let God know that I want His will for my life and not my own. When I needed prayer or I needed to repent, whether it was behind closed doors or at church in front of others, I didn't hesitate to go to the altar because I was ready for change for real and I knew I needed Him to keep my mind. All of this took place 3 weeks ago up until now. I then began to just ask God to keep me submissive to His will and His way for my life and this past weekend He did something mighty for me. He gave me peace.

Let me tell you why this was a big deal to me. My husband has his own business that shows the youth how they can glorify God through their gifts and use their anointing to shift the atmosphere. Well with this, ministry is heavy, especially when we are invited out to different states and cities, I always go with my husband but before he got off work, I saw myself staying home with my son and if it was the old me, I would've gotten upset but I had peace about it. I was completely calm and wasn't even worried. In the past times, when I stood back on my own, the dog attack had happened and the miracle came forth when I called on Jesus and the dog put itself away. Then when our son was born and I stood back, and I had the roughest time with my son so at first my husband was double checking to see if I would be alright or if I needed to go anywhere but I told him what I saw and how peaceful I was. That night when my husband had to hit the road, I had the best UNINTERRUPTED sleep I had ever had in the longest time. I knew it was God because our son has been teething and the nights were rough, but he literally slept all through the night and I was able to get a full night's sleep. The next day came and I still felt the peace within our home and I kid you not, our son barely cried. Let me point out AGAIN that he is currently teething so he should have been cranky but he wasn't. I wasn't anxious or anything, I was simply at peace the entire weekend and I was amazed at how calm our son was. Sunday came and I was just ready for church because God had already amazed me.

When you are a person who gets attacked mentally, gaining peace is like winning the lottery and even as I write this out to you all I am still at peace. I've also been working towards maintaining it by switching the way that I view and speak on things. Instead of claiming when I don't feel well, I just acknowledge it once, thank God for my healing and keep it moving. Day by day, I have seen my mind take a turn for the better and I've been doing my best to pray more no matter what I have been doing. I have finally outgrown the old mindset and now, I'm going to keep it so that I can bloom in His presence. As I draw to a close, I would like you to learn from my mistakes and if you are worried about what others may think of you, DON'T! If you have to RUN to the altar and plant your face on the floor, don't hesitate to do so. I just thank God that I did because the shift that I have been experiencing lately has been needed for a very long time. I don't care what people think, I only know that at the end of the day, I want to make it into the gates, I want to hear God say "Well Done my FAITHFUL servant." You may have to outgrow certain people, places and even habits. That's fine and you don't owe an explanation just make sure you aren't harboring any residue of resentment, fear, bitterness, and or grudges. For anyone who knows that they get attacked in their mind, I'm a living witness that peace is available to you when you stop trying to control the things in your life and you hand over the control to God and God alone. Thank you for your support and prayers and the messages you leave, I genuinely appreciate you and it's all glory to God! I would also like to give a special thanks to the people in my life who have been praying and laboring with me when I know and even when I don't know, it's been helping me, I love you guys.

As Always: Stay Blessed & Encouraged